pc jan 26 1999 SCOTT: HEY. JUST IN TIME. SIT DOWN. GRAB THAT PLATE. SERENA: NO, THANKS. SCOTT: LOOK AGAIN -- PANCAKES. SERENA: I'M NOT HUNGRY. SCOTT: COME ON, I MADE THESE FROM SCRATCH. WE GOT THE SYRUP, THE BUTTER, EVERYTHING. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT. SERENA: WELL, I'VE SEEN BETTER. SCOTT: NOBODY MAKES BETTER PANCAKES THAN I DO. NOBODY. GO AHEAD, NAME SOMEBODY. SERENA: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE WORD "LUCY"? SCOTT: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING, RIGHT? SERENA: NOPE. SCOTT: WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT HER PANCAKES? SERENA: SHE USES SPECIAL INGREDIENTS. SCOTT: YEAH, IT'S CALLED A MIX. SERENA: IN A SPECIAL WAY. SCOTT: WHATEVER. NEVER MIND. JUST SIT DOWN AND LET'S EAT. SERENA: I'M NOT EATING UNTIL LUCY MOVES BACK IN. SCOTT: SO THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. SERENA: IF YOU ASK HER TO MARRY YOU, SHE'LL MOVE BACK IN. SCOTT: SERENA, I DON'T THINK ASKING SOMEONE TO MARRY YOU JUST SO WE CAN GET BETTER PANCAKES IS A GREAT IDEA. SERENA: SUIT YOURSELF. BUT I'M NOT EATING UNTIL YOU DO. SCOTT: FINE. MORE FOR ME. NEIL: THIS IS SO COOL THAT PAPPOUS BOUGHT US FIRST-CLASS TICKETS BACK HOME. MARY: I KNOW. AND LOOK AT ALL THIS FOOT ROOM AND THESE SOFT BLANKETS. VICTOR: IT'S ONLY WHAT YOU DESERVE, MY DARLING. MARY: THANKS. COURTNEY: JOE, MAYBE I SHOULD TRADE SEATS WITH MARY. NEIL HATES TAKEOFFS. JOE: NO, HE LOOKS HAPPY. COURTNEY: YEAH, JUST IN CASE. JOE: LISTEN, WE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL WE GET IN THE AIR. COURTNEY: BUT, JOE, I -- JOE: LISTEN, COURTNEY, OUR FAKE PASSPORTS SAY WE'RE MARRIED. I THINK WE BETTER ACT THAT WAY BEFORE WE GET HAULED IN FOR SMUGGLING. COURTNEY: YOU'RE RIGHT. STEWARDESS: WELCOME ABOARD, MR. AND MRS. MILLER. CAN I GET YOU A DRINK BEFORE WE TAKE OFF? COURTNEY: WELL, I'LL HAVE CHAMPAGNE. BUT IF I KNOW MY HUBBY, HE'LL HAVE A BEER. JOE: OH, COME ON, I'M NOT SUCH A CLOD THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHAMPAGNE ON OUR HONEYMOON. STEWARDESS: TWO GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE AND CONGRATULATIONS. JOE: THANK YOU. COURTNEY: THANKS. FRANK: KAREN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? KAREN: YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME DRIVING YOU HOME LAST NIGHT? FRANK: OH -- YOU DON'T HAVE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE. KAREN: HERE. DRINK THIS. KAREN: DEHYDRATED, ARE WE? FRANK: FROM THIS MAMMOTH HEADACHE, I'D SAY I PROBABLY HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK LAST NIGHT. KAREN: GOOD GUESS. FRANK: OH, YEAH. THERE WAS A RUN-IN AT THE DOCKS WITH SOME LOWLIFES, AND GARCIA GAVE ME A HARD TIME. KAREN: YOU GAVE HIM A HARD TIME. FRANK: AND YOU CAME DOWN TO THE JAIL, AND YOU DROVE ME HOME. KAREN: WHERE YOU REPAID MY KINDNESS WITH YOUR UNTOWARD BEHAVIOR. FRANK: WHAT DID I DO? KAREN: YOU DON'T REMEMBER? FRANK: DON'T TELL ME I BECAME A DROOLING LECH. OH, NO. KAREN: LET'S JUST FORGET ABOUT IT. FRANK: PLEASE DON'T EVEN TELL ME. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. KAREN: OK. FRANK: OK, TELL ME. KAREN: YOU KISSED ME. [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NCI'S CORPORATE PARTNERS] FRANK: KAREN, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT I CANNOT BELIEVE I KISSED YOU. KAREN: IT'S ALREADY FORGOTTEN. FRANK: OH -- THANK YOU. I AM SO GRATEFUL TO YOU THAT I COULD KISS YOU -- FIGURE OF SPEECH. KAREN: LET'S JUST DROP IT. FRANK: ALL RIGHT. THAT WHOLE NIGHT NEVER HAPPENED. KAREN: LET'S DROP THE KISSING PART. THE REST OF THE NIGHT IS A PROBLEM. FRANK: WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? KAREN: FRANK, YOU DRANK SO MUCH YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WERE. YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. YOU BLACKED OUT. FRANK: WELL, EXCUSE ME. NEXT TIME MY GIRLFRIEND GETS ARRESTED FOR MURDER, I'LL DROWN MY SORROWS IN A GLASS OF PINK LEMONADE. KAREN: LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS YOU GOT TO BE CAREFUL. ALCOHOLISM RUNS IN YOUR FAMILY. FRANK: I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. AND IF YOU WEREN'T A RECOVERED ADDICT, YOU WOULDN'T BE SO QUICK TO ACCUSE EVERY SOCIAL DRINKER YOU MEET OF BEING A SLOSH. KAREN: I DON'T DO THAT. I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. FRANK: ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT. ALL RIGHT? KAREN: ALL RIGHT. UH -- MARY AND JOE GET BACK TODAY WITH NEIL, SO WE'RE THROWING THEM A PARTY. LARK: THAT'S RIGHT, PARTY TIME. AND GUESS WHO GETS TO HELP ME BLOW UP BALLOONS. MARY: SO FOR YEARS, THE IRISH WERE UNABLE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST THE VIKINGS. UNTIL FINALLY IN 1014, ALONG CAME BRIAN BORU, THE IRISH HIGH KING WHO ORGANIZED THE WHOLE COUNTRY TO -- JOE: YOU SEE, YOU GIVE MY MOTHER A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE, AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. MARY: WELL, NEIL LIKES HISTORY. JOE: WELL, I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE LIKED HISTORY, TOO, IF I WAS PLIED WITH ICE CREAM AND PRETZELS. NEIL: SHE ORDERED TWO OF THESE FOR ME. JOE: REALLY? THAT'S INTERESTING. YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, IT WAS NOTHING BUT BRUSSELS SPROUTS MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT. MARY: WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS I LIKE NEIL BETTER THAN YOU OR YOUR BROTHER. JOE: WELL, THANK YOU, MOTHER DEAREST. AND TO THINK COURTNEY WAS GOING TO SWITCH SEATS WITH YOU. NEIL: NO WAY. I HAVE TO HEAR HOW BRIAN BORU DEFEATED THE VIKINGS. JOE: OK. FINE. BUT I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO MY SEAT AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A DOUBLE FUDGE SUNDAE, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY ABOUT IT. NEIL: I FEEL WEIRD. MARY: WHY? NEIL: WELL, WHEN JOE GOT UP TO GO, I WAS GOING TO SAY, "SEE YOU LATER, JOE." BUT THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL HIM BECAUSE HE IS MY FATHER, BUT I THINK OF HIM AS JOE. MARY: NEIL, I ASSURE YOU, JOE IS THRILLED TO BE YOUR FATHER, NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL HIM. NEIL: AND FRANK IS MY UNCLE? MARY: THAT'S RIGHT. NEIL: AND YOU'RE MY GRANDMA. MARY: YEP. NEIL: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU? MARY: HOW ABOUT "THE LUCKIEST GRANDMOTHER ON THE PLANET"? NEIL: KIND OF LONG. MARY: YOU GOT A POINT THERE. NEIL, YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING YOU WANT -- MARY, NANNA, GRANNY, QUEEN ELIZABETH. YOU PICK. NEIL: WELL, I ALREADY HAVE A SPECIAL GREEK NAME FOR MY OTHER GRANDMOTHER -- GIGIA. BUT I'VE NEVER HAD ANYONE TO CALL "GRANDMA." SO, IF IT'S OK WITH YOU, THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO CALL YOU. MARY: I THINK I MIGHT BUY YOU THE WHOLE ICE CREAM FACTORY. SERENA: LUCY! LUCY: HEY, YOU. OH, COME HERE. I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY. SERENA: I SURE AM. I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL MORNING. LUCY: WHAT? YOU MEAN YOUR DADDY DIDN'T FIX YOU ANY BREAKFAST? SERENA: NO. LUCY: OH! WELL, THEN IT'S A VERY GOOD THING I BROUGHT DOUGHNUTS. SERENA: MY FAVORITE. SCOTT: OH, REALLY, SERENA? I THOUGHT LUCY'S PANCAKES WERE YOUR FAVORITE. SERENA: LUCY'S PANCAKES ARE MY FAVORITE PANCAKES, AND HER DOUGHNUTS ARE MY FAVORITE DOUGHNUTS. LUCY: YEAH, SO BUZZ OFF, BUB. SCOTT: I'M NOT BUZZING ANYWHERE UNTIL I TASTE ONE OF THESE DOUGHNUTS. MM-HMM. YUP, YUP. THEY'RE JUST AS GOOD AS WHEN I BUY THEM AT THE SAME PLACE. LUCY: OK. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? SCOTT: WELL, SERENA SEEMS TO THINK THAT EVERYTHING THAT YOU MAKE -- BUY -- IS BETTER THAN WHAT I MAKE. LUCY: OH. I SEE. WELL, THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU'RE RIGHT. SERENA: YOU'RE WELCOME. LUCY: HMM. SCOTT: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T WE JUST GO IN THE KITCHEN, AND WE'LL BOTH WHIP UP A COUPLE ORDERS OF CHIPPED BEEF. AND WE'LL SEE WHOSE TURNS OUT BETTER, HUH? SERENA: HA, HA. WELL, I BETTER GO GET MY SCHOOLBOOKS. I THINK I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE A WHILE IN CASE YOU WANT TO DISCUSS SOMETHING, DAD. GET LUCY BACK. THANK YOU. SCOTT: SHE, UM -- MISSES YOUR PANCAKES, WHICH YOU BUY AT KELLY'S. LUCY: SHH, SHH. ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO BY AND PICK UP SOME AND BRING THEM BY TOMORROW. SCOTT: WELL, THERE'S MORE TO IT THAN THAT. LUCY: YES, I KNOW. BUT LET'S JUST NOT TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE RIGHT NOW. OH, UNLESS -- DO YOU THINK ME COMING BY IS MAKING IT ROUGHER HERE? SCOTT: ARE YOU KIDDING? IF YOU STOPPED COMING BY, IT WOULD BE EVEN WORSE TROUBLE. LUCY: OH, GOOD BECAUSE I WASN'T PLANNING ON STOPPING COMING BY, ANYWAY. NOW -- I REALLY RIGHT NOW NEED YOUR ADVICE. SCOTT: I'M ALL EARS. LUCY: OK. YOU KNOW HOW I'VE BECOME COMPLETELY OBSESSED ON MY PLAN TO RELAUNCH JACKS? SCOTT: YEAH. YES, YES, YES. THE ROMANTIC DRESS. LUCY: EXACTLY. OK, WELL, GUESS WHAT. ELLEN CAME BY, AND I HAD ELLEN PUT THE DRESS ON. AND THE MOST AMAZING THING HAPPENED. SCOTT: I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO HEAR. LUCY: YEAH -- NO, YOU DO. REALLY. NO, LISTEN -- SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THE MOST AMAZING, ROMANTIC NIGHT SHE'D EVER HAD. I'M TELLING YOU, THAT WOMAN'S WHOLE AURA CHANGED. WHEN WOMEN PUT MY DRESS ON, THEY BECOME COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED. SCOTT: WELL, THEN MAKE IT. LUCY: NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I AM. I'VE GOT MY DESIGNERS WORKING ON CONTEMPORARY VERSIONS OF IT RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK. SCOTT: WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? LUCY: WELL, THINK. IF I HAD THE DRESS IN MY HAND TOMORROW, I COULDN'T GET IT INTO THE STORES FOR EIGHT OR NINE MONTHS, AND I NEED TO SOLVE ALL OF JACKS' PROBLEMS TODAY. SCOTT: SO WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT A WAY HOW TO MAKE THE DRESS QUICKER. LUCY: EXACTLY. OK, HOW? SCOTT: WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M AN IDEA MAN -- ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL BE. AND, LET'S SEE, WE'LL THROW YOU IN THE MIX, AND THE SKY'S THE LIMIT. LUCY: WELL, LET'S GO TO IT. I'M HUNGRY. WHOA. HOW DID YOU MAKE LEMON CHICKEN ? OH, WITH PAM. SHE GOT A SISTER ? INTRODUCING ALL NATURAL LEMON FLAVORED PAM. Woman: IF I COULD FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW, I'D GET 6 GOOD HOURS. I COULD STILL GET 4 HOURS. 4 HOURS IS O.K. I'VE DONE WITHOUT SLEEP BEFORE. I CAN DO IT AGAIN. IF YOU CAN'T SLEEP, IF THINGS YOU'VE TRIED LEAVE YOU GROGGY THE NEXT DAY, YOUR DOCTOR HAS A BREAKTHROUGH APPROACH TO SLEEP THERAPY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT... ook what daddy gets. VO: When you make a SPAMBURGER hamburger... DAD: Perfect. VO: ...watch out. 'Cause it's so good... DAD: I got it. VO: ...it's gone. BABY: (BABY BURP) Gaah... VO: SPAM. So good... ...it's gone. JOE: YOU SHOULD SEE MY MOTHER DOTING OVER NEIL. I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF SHE BUYS HIM A PONY AND KEEPS IT IN THE KITCHEN. COURTNEY: I ONLY HOPE HER AFFECTION FOR HIM WILL HELP HER ACCEPT ME. WHO KNOWS -- MAYBE SHE WILL NOW THAT THE TRUTH IS OUT IN THE OPEN AND NEIL WILL BE LIVING WITH BOTH HIS FATHER AND MOTHER TOGETHER. JOE: COURTNEY, WHAT YOU JUST SAID NOW ABOUT ALL OF US BEING TOGETHER -- IT SOUNDED LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE EXPECTING SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T GIVE. COURTNEY: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? JOE: BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SAID ON THE ISLAND. COURTNEY: OH. YOU MEAN ME BLURTING OUT THAT I NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU? JOE: YEAH. COURTNEY: WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD YOU BROUGHT THIS UP BECAUSE THERE ARE A FEW THINGS I'VE WANTED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT ABOUT WHAT I SAID THAT NIGHT. JOE: OK. I'M LISTENING. COURTNEY: WHEN I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU, I WAS WORRIED ABOUT NEIL AND AFRAID THAT WE MIGHT DIE ON THE ISLAND. IT WAS THE STRESS SPEAKING. JOE: SO YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT? COURTNEY: JOE, YOU WERE MY FIRST LOVE. YOU'RE THE FATHER OF MY CHILD. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME THAT LOVES YOU JUST -- JUST LIKE I'M SURE THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF YOU THAT CARES ABOUT ME. BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS IN THE PAST, AND YOUR FUTURE IS WITH KAREN. AND MY FUTURE? WELL, THAT'S STILL UP FOR GRABS. FRANK: DO YOU HAVE TO POUND SO LOUD? LARK: I'M BARELY TAPPING. FRANK: JUST HURRY UP. KAREN: OK. NOW THE STREAMERS. LARK: WAIT. AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO TWIST THEM OR SOMETHING? KAREN: OH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. LARK: OK. FRANK: PROMISE ME YOU TWO WILL NEVER GO INTO THE PARTY PLANNING SERVICE. LARK: GIVE ME A BREAK. IT'S NOT LIKE I GREW UP ON THE PARTY CIRCUIT, YOU KNOW. FRANK: YOU NEVER HAD ANY BIRTHDAY PARTIES? LARK: WELL, LET'S SEE -- WAS THERE ANYONE WHO CARED ENOUGH TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY? NOPE. NEVER HAD A PARTY. KAREN: ME, NEITHER. MY MOM WAS USUALLY TOO LOOPED TO PLAN ONE. LARK: YOU KNOW, I DID HAVE A FOSTER FAMILY ONE YEAR WHO WANTED TO GIVE ME A PARTY, AND MY MOM GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY AND TOOK ME AWAY FROM THEM. FRANK: THAT'S TERRIBLE. LARK: WELL, IT WASN'T SO BAD. MY MOTHER TRIED. KAREN: SO DID MINE, IN HER OWN WAY. FRANK: WELL, AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MEETING IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATIONS. LARK: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? FRANK: I'M THROWING YOU A PARTY THIS WEEK. HEY, YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D LET YOU TURN 18 WITHOUT A CELEBRATION, DID YOU? LARK: YOU REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY? FRANK: IT'S NOT EVERY DAY I HAVE A KID WHO TURNS 18. KAREN: AND BESIDES, HE DIDN'T SPEND ANY MONEY ON THE OTHER 17, SO HE CAN AFFORD TO GO ALL OUT, RIGHT? LARK: OH, MY GOSH! CAN I BAKE A CAKE? FRANK: I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE UNCLEAR ON THIS WHOLE CONCEPT. YOU SEE, WE BAKE THE CAKE, AND YOU EAT IT. KAREN: YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BE THE GUEST OF HONOR. LARK: OK, IF YOU INSIST. OH! THANK YOU! FRANK: YOU'RE WELCOME. SCOTT: PRELIMINARY DESIGNS LOOK PRETTY GOOD. LUCY: WELL, GOOD. YOU KNOW, I JUST WISH I COULD SNAP MY FINGERS AND PUT ALL THE PRODUCT RIGHT IN THE STORES RIGHT NOW. THERE JUST AREN'T ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY. SCOTT: STOP SLEEPING. LUCY: I HAVE. I WAS UP TILL 4:00 A.M. WRACKING MY BRAIN FOR AN AD CAMPAIGN. SCOTT: WHAT DO YOU GOT? LUCY: OK. WHAT DO YOU THINK? GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION. I WAS THINKING OF BASING THE CLOTHING LINE ON LOVE STORIES -- YOU KNOW, KIND OF MINI ROMANCE NOVELS. BUT HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO PUT THAT ON A ONE-PAGE AD? SERENA: HEY, GUESS WHAT I JUST SAW FOR SALE ON TELEVISION. A PORCELAIN DUCK THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE SIGMUND. HE IS SO CUTE. CAN I ORDER IT? LUCY: YEAH. SCOTT: NO. SERENA, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING TELEVISION BEFORE SCHOOL. YOU KNOW THAT. SERENA: IT WASN'T A PROGRAM. IT WAS THE SHOPPING CHANNEL. LUCY: AH. SCOTT: WELL, THAT'S EVEN WORSE. [CAR HORN HONKS] SCOTT: AH, THAT'S GAIL. TIME FOR SCHOOL. LUCY: HEY, HEY, GIVE ME A BIG SQUEEZE, BIG, BIG -- OOH. HAVE A GREAT DAY, OK? HAVE FUN. SCOTT: OK, LET ME SEE. NOW, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THAT'S HER. ALL RIGHT, GOOD-BYE. SERENA: HEY. REMEMBER -- GET LUCY BACK. SCOTT: AH -- SERENA: TA. LUCY: TA! SCOTT: OH, THE "TA" BUSINESS? LUCY: I WANT TO HEAR -- WHAT IS ALL THIS LITTLE WHISPERING BEHIND MY BACK BUSINESS? SCOTT: WELL, SHE'S BADGERING ME FOR YOU TO MOVE BACK IN. SHE THINKS THAT IT'S MY FAULT THAT YOU MOVED OUT. LUCY: OH. WOW. THANK GOODNESS. NOW I'M KIND OF OFF THE HOOK FOR NOW. SCOTT: WELL, SHE WOULD NEVER BLAME YOU FOR ANYTHING, NOT THE WAY YOU SPOIL HER. LUCY: I DO NOT. SCOTT: YES, YOU DO. LUCY: I DO NOT. SCOTT: YES, YOU DO. LUCY: NO, I DON'T SPOIL HER. SCOTT: OH -- THE PORCELAIN DUCK, FOR EXAMPLE. YOU WERE ABOUT TO WHIP OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD AND HEAD TO THE PHONE, WEREN'T YOU? LUCY: OH, BUT IT LOOKED LIKE SIGMUND. SCOTT: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE. I GOT AN IDEA. LUCY: REALLY? OK. OK, WHAT? SCOTT: I KNOW HOW WE HANDLE THE ADVERTISING, THE MARKETING. LUCY: ALL RIGHT. HOW? HOW, HOW, HOW, HOW? SCOTT: WE FORGET THE STORES. WE SELL IT ON TELEVISION. HELLO! STEPHANIE'S THE NEW GIRL. WE CAN TEACH YOU. SHE NEEDS ADVICE, YOU KNOW, WHO'S WHO, WHAT'S WHAT. WHEN YOU WANT PIZZA, YOU CAN MAKE TRISCUIT PIZZA. SAUCE, CHEESE, PEPPERONI. TRISCUIT PIZZAS. I COULD SMELL THESE ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL. NACHOS? YOU FEEL LIKE NACHOS? CRUNCHY NACHOS WITH THE CHEESE ALL MELTED IN THE NOOKS AND CRANNIES. THIS IS LIKE STUDY FOOD. I THINK SHE'S GONNA DO OK. AND TRY TRISCUIT THIN CRISPS, THE CRISPY TRIANGLE THAT SNACKS LIKE A CHIP. <  MY FIRST BOYFRIEND-- RICK WHITING.I HADN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS. AND WE'RE AT OUR 20th REUNION CATCHING UP, AND I GET THIS TERRIBLE HEARTBURN. BUT RICK HANDS ME ZANTAC 75. "THANKS," I SAID. "SO, DID YOU EVER BECOME AN ACCOUNTANT?" "NO," HE SAYS, "A DOCTOR." THE MEDICINE IN ZANTAC 75 IS THE #1 DOCTOR-PRESCRIBED ACID REDUCER. IT RELIEVES EVEN YOUR TOUGHEST HEARTBURN, CONTROLLING ACID FOR UP TO 12 HOURS. DR. RICK WHITING. ZANTAC 75 FOR TOUGH HEARTBURN. WHICH AFTER-SHOWER SPRAY CLEANER LEAVES NO DULL RESIDUE ? THE ANSWER IS AS CLEAR AS THE LABEL ON THE BOTTLE. NEW SHOWER SHINE. FROM THE SCRUBBING BUBBLES. THEY WORK HARD AFTER EVERY SHOWER SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO. IF YOU'RE NOT USING NEW SHOWER SHINE AFTER-SHOWER SPRAY CLEANER, THE FORECAST FOR YOUR SHOWER IS MOSTLY CLOUDY. NEW SHOWER SHINE. FROM THE SCRUBBING BUBBLES. THEY WORK HARD AFTER EVERY SHOWER SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO. CRUNCHY COOKIE CUP. FIRST, I TAKE A CORE SAMPLE. NEXT, I EXAMINE THE STRATA. AND THEN, I DIGEST THE FINDINGS! CHOCOLATE, PEANUT BUTTER, AND A COOKIE. THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO EAT A REESE'S CRUNCHY COOKIE CUP. LUCY: AN INFOMERCIAL. SCOTT: RIGHT. THAT WAY WE MARKET THE CLOTHES RIGHT WHEN THEY COME OFF THE LINE. LUCY: OH. AND -- AND WE COULD TAKE ORDERS FOR ADVANCE SALES, AND -- OH, HOW MUCH DOES IT COST? HOW DO WE BOOK IT? SCOTT: WELL, I DON'T KNOW. WE GOT TO TALK TO A FEW DIFFERENT CHANNELS. AND, YOU KNOW, I GOT TO FIGURE OUT OUR MEDIA BLITZ. LUCY: RIGHT, RIGHT. AND IN THE MEANTIME, I WILL CONCENTRATE ON THE DRESSES AND THE CONCEPTS FOR PRODUCTION. WHAT DO YOU THINK? YEAH. WELL, I NEED SUGGESTIONS. SCOTT: WELL, I THINK WE OUGHT TO STAY AWAY FROM THE TALL, SKINNY, LONG-LEGGED BLOND -- LUCY: OK, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I AGREE. LET'S STICK WITH ROMANCE. THINK ROMANCE. SCOTT: WELL, WE COULD RE-ENACT OUR LITTLE FLORIDA TRIP ON TELEVISION. LUCY: YEAH. ACTUALLY, I THOUGHT OF THAT. BUT WE CAN'T REALLY DO THAT, EXACTLY. BUT THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. I THINK EACH PRODUCTION SHOULD BE LIKE A MINI ROMANCE WITH A GREAT, FABULOUS WARDROBE TO GO WITH IT. SCOTT: I'M WITH YOU. LUCY: OK. SO, THE FIRST STORY I'M GOING TO TELL -- ELLEN'S. THE LONG-LOST LOVE OF NEW ORLEANS. MARY: HI! FRANK: HEY, BUDDY. LONG TIME NO SEE. LARK: I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT GREECE. FRANK: REMEMBER ME? NEIL: WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHAT JOE DID. HE'S THE GREATEST GUY IN THE WORLD. LARK: TELL ME. MARY: WELL, IT'S NOT A SHORT STORY, AND I WANT TO GET MY HANDSOME GRANDSON SOMETHING TO EAT FIRST. NEIL: MORE ICE CREAM. JOE: HEY, HEY, LISTEN -- AFTER A SANDWICH AND SOME VEGGIES. MARY: WELL, I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT. JOE: RIGHT. VICTOR: COME ON, NEIL. NEIL: COME WITH US, UNCLE FRANK. FRANK: OK. "UNCLE FRANK"? AFTER YOU, MOTHER OF MY NEPHEW. KAREN: SOUNDS LIKE NEIL'S GETTING USED TO BEING A SCANLON. JOE: YEAH. GOD, HE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, KAREN. BUT HE JUST -- HE JUST KEEPS GOING. HE IS SUCH AN AMAZING KID. KAREN: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON. JOE: MY GOD, I HAVE MISSED YOU. KAREN: NOT MORE THAN I HAVE MISSED YOU. JOE: I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOU, FEEL YOUR HAIR, YOUR FACE, YOUR LIPS. FRANK: HEY, JOE, I HEARD YOU FLEW A HELICOPTER. I WOULD'VE PAID A MILLION BUCKS TO SEE PICTURES OF MOM'S FACE WHEN THAT HAPPENED. JOE: YEAH, WELL, I WAS A LITTLE TOO BUSY TO TAKE PICTURES. FRANK: SO, WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO, NDER BOY? COURTNEY: WHAT DIDN'T HE DO? WE COULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED ON THAT DESERTED ISLAND IF IT WASN'T FOR HIS INGENUITY. JOE: OK, LOOK, DON'T OVERDO IT. COURTNEY: YOU ARE WAY TOO MODEST. HE BUILT A RAFT. HE KEPT ME WARM. HE EVEN MADE ME A CHRISTMAS GIFT, NOT TO MENTION SAVING MY LIFE WHEN I WAS STUNG BY A SEA URCHIN. FRANK: IMPRESSIVE. COURTNEY: JOE WAS BRILLIANT. I ALMOST DIED, BUT HE TENDED TO ME WITH NOTHING BUT NATIVE PLANT MATERIALS. JOE: ALL RIGHT, LOOK, MY MOTHER AND VICTOR WERE THE ONES WHO RESCUED US. KAREN: UH -- WHAT -- WHAT IS THAT? JOE: OH -- DISGUISE. FRANK: GEE, WE HARDLY RECOGNIZED YOU WITH THAT ON. JOE: WELL, COURTNEY AND I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE A COUPLE IN ORDER TO GET PAST CUSTOMS. OUR FAKE PASSPORTS SAID WE WERE MARRIED. FRANK: GOSH, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN JUST AWFUL FOR YOU, COURTNEY. COURTNEY: WELL, LET'S JUST SAY IF I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE MARRIED TO YOU, I WOULD HAVE GLADLY GONE TO JAIL FOR SMUGGLING INSTEAD. FRANK: CAREFUL, NOW -- BITTERNESS HAS A WAY OF AGING A PERSON. LOOK AT THE TWO LOVEBIRDS, SO HAPPY TO BE BACK TOGETHER. DOESN'T THAT JUST WARM YOUR HEART? WELCOME BACK TO REALITY, SWEETHEART. COURTNEY: IT'S NOT OVER TILL IT'S OVER.