pc feb 3 1999  SCOTT: SAY, I GOT AN IDEA. LET'S SAY WE GOT THESE ALLIGATORS MILLING AROUND. LUCY: MM-HMM. SCOTT: AND THEN THIS GIRL JUST SORT OF DESCENDS, WEARING THE DRESS. LUCY: NOW YOU'RE TEASING ME. SCOTT: NO. I SEE THAT GOOFY STUFF ON TV ALL THE TIME. LUCY: AH. AND HOW MANY DRESSES DO YOU THINK I'LL SELL USING A BIG-TOOTHED, SCALY ALLIGATOR AS MY SPOKESPERSON? SCOTT: ALL RIGHT, WELL, THEN WE'LL JUST LIE TO THE PEOPLE LIKE THEY DO ON ALL THOSE INFOMERCIALS. YOU KNOW, "YOU WANT TO LOOK THINNER. YOU WANT TO GET GUYS. YOU WANT TO GET A NEW LIFE," YOU KNOW? LUCY: HEY. YOU KNOW SOMETHING, YOU -- YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC, BUT YOU ARE ON TO SOMETHING THERE. THAT DRESS DOES CHANGE PEOPLE'S LIVES. SCOTT: WHOSE? NOBODY'S HAD IT ON YET. LUCY: OURS. IT BROUGHT US TOGETHER, DIDN'T IT? SCOTT: WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS, YOU KNOW, PART HISTORY, PART DRESS, PART JUNGLE PASSION. LUCY: OK. WHAT ABOUT MATT AND ELLEN? YOU KNOW, SHE PUT ON THAT DRESS, THEN SHE CHANGED. SHE TOLD ME THAT MOST ROMANTIC STORY, AND THEN MATT FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. AND HE SO GOT SO JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE, HE WHISKED HER OFF FOR THAT ROMANTIC WEEKEND. SCOTT: HEY, YOU SOUND A LITTLE ENVIOUS. LUCY: I THINK I AM. I THINK I WOULD LOVE TO BE WHISKED OFF TO LAS VEGAS. SCOTT: WELL, I COULD TAKE YOU PLACES AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LEAVE THIS ROOM. MATT: YOU COMFY OVER THERE? WOMAN: OH, YES. THANK YOU. MATT: I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING TO MY FRIEND THERE. ELLEN? ELLEN: FINE. JUST GRUMPY WE GOT BUMPED FROM THE FIRST FLIGHT, AND NOW WE CAN'T EVEN SIT TOGETHER. MATT: MA'AM, ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T PREFER THIS SPACIOUS AISLE CHAIR HERE? WOMAN: OH, HEAVENS, NO. THOSE DINNER CARTS BANG INTO YOUR KNEES. MATT: AH. ELLEN: WELL, HOW ABOUT TAKING MY WINDOW SEAT? YOU'LL HAVE A WONDERFUL VIEW OF THE DESERT. WOMAN: OH, BUT MY NEEDLES WOULD HIT THE WALL. AND I HAVE TO FINISH THIS AFGHAN FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S CHRISTENING TOMORROW. MATT: OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WE HAVE DAYS AND DAYS TO BE TOGETHER. ELLEN: NOT TO MENTION LONG, LONG NIGHTS. WOMAN: WHAT'S ALL RIGHT? ELLEN: EVERYTHING. P.A. ANNOUNCER: PARDON THE DELAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THIS IS CAPTAIN AYERS. WE'LL BE SITTING HERE ON THE TARMAC JUST A BIT LONGER, AS THE GROUND CREW TRIES TO DETACH THE CARGO CONVEYOR BELT. IT -- WELL, IT SEEMS TO BE STUCK. MATT: WELL, WE'RE ON VACATION. SO NOTHING CAN WIPE THIS SMILE OFF OF MY FACE. [WHOOSH] WOMAN: WHAT WAS THAT? ELLEN: WE JUST LOST THE AIR CONDITIONING. MATT: WELL, BREATHING'S ALWAYS BEEN HIGHLY OVERRATED, SO -- ELLEN: WHY AM I ALWAYS GETTING STUCK IN WELLS OR IN ELEVATORS, AND NOW IN AN AIRPLANE? MATT: WELL, AT LEAST THIS TIME YOU'RE WITH ME. ELLEN: OK. JOE: CAN I HELP YOU? DARREN: YEAH, HI. MY NAME IS DARREN LEOPOLD. I'M THE ATTORNEY REPRESENTING CHRIS RAMSEY. I WAS JUST HOPING FOR A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME TO DISCUSS HIS HEARING TOMORROW. JOE: I WASN'T EVEN HERE DURING THE OUTBREAK. DARREN: WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT YOUR TESTIMONY REGARDING YOUR BROTHER'S DRUG ABUSE DOES HAVE A BEARING ON THE CASE. JOE: WELL, DON'T EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU. LISTEN, I WILL BLAST RAMSEY OUT OF THE WATER IF GIVEN HALF THE CHANCE. MY BROTHER WAS HOOKED WITHOUT HIS CONSENT ON AN EXPERIMENTAL DRUG AND SUPPLIED WITH MORE OF THE SAME BY RAMSEY. DARREN: WELL, SEE, MOST RECENTLY, YOUR BROTHER'S BEEN USING YOUR D.E.A. NUMBER TO OBTAIN -- JOE: THAT IS IRRELEVANT TO WHAT CHRIS DID! DARREN: YOUR RESPONSE CONFIRMS YOU KNEW ABOUT YOUR BROTHER'S PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR. I'LL SEE YOU AT THE HEARING TOMORROW. [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NCI'S CORPORATE PARTNERS] SCOTT: THIS'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE ENERGY, AND THEN WE CAN PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. LUCY: YOU'RE DISTRACTING ME. NOW, WAIT. THE ONLY REASON WE CAME DOWN HERE IS BECAUSE WE BOTH AGREED WE'RE GOING TO WORK ON THIS INFOMERCIAL. SCOTT: WORK. LUCY: WORK. SCOTT: OH, COME ON. YOU GOT ANY IDEAS? LUCY: YEAH. NO. I WANT TO USE ELLEN'S STORY. I NEED TO USE HER STORY. SCOTT: WELL, SHE WON'T LET YOU USE HER STORY, SO LET'S JUST RESPECT HER PRIVACY. LUCY: NO. ELLEN'S STORY IS SO PERFECT. I JUST WANT TO HAVE IT. AND I THINK SHE'S BEING VERY -- WELL, AT LEAST A TEENY-WEENY BIT UNREASONABLE. SCOTT: WELL, LOOK, YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF ROMANTIC STORIES OUT THERE, YOU KNOW? FOR EXAMPLE, WELL, LET'S SAY, WE -- YOU KNOW, WE DO IT LIKE A RHYME THING, LIKE ROMANCE AND RODEO. LUCY: OOH, THAT'S REALLY GOOD. THEN WE CAN HAVE OUR ELEGANTLY DRESSED HEROINE STUCK IN A CHUCK WAGON. SCOTT: WELL, I DON'T KNOW ANY GUY THAT'S NOT A SUCKER FOR A GIRL RIDING SIDESADDLE. LUCY: I DON'T THINK SO, NO. SCOTT: WELL, OK. HMM. THEN YOU THINK OF SOMETHING. LUCY: OK. OK, I'M ON IT. I GOT IT. LET'S SEE, I'M GOING TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER THAN ALLIGATORS AND COWBOYS, THAT'S FOR SURE. WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. I GOT IT. I GOT IT, I GOT IT. SCOTT: WAIT, I GOT IT, TOO. HOW ABOUT A COWBOY ON AN ALLIGATOR, AND THE COWBOY'S WEARING THE DRESS? LUCY: NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. LISTEN TO THIS. OK, I WANT YOU TO PICTURE IT. THERE IS AN ATTORNEY -- A HANDSOME, SEXY, DEBONAIR ATTORNEY. HE SWEEPS INTO THIS LIBRARY WANTING TO DO SOME RESEARCH, AND IN THAT LIBRARY IS A PLAIN-JANE LIBRARIAN WHO'S JUST ALONE AND FORGOTTEN. SCOTT: THAT'S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED. LUCY: NO, I KNOW THAT. JUST -- I'M ON A ROLL HERE, OK? SO THERE'S THE ATTORNEY, AND HE KEEPS DOING RESEARCH DAY AFTER DAY, AND HE NEVER NOTICES THAT POOR, LONELY LITTLE LIBRARIAN DAY AFTER DAY. AND ONE DAY SHE JUST GETS DESPERATE, AND SHE DECIDES, "I NEED HIS ATTENTION," SO SHE DONS ONE OF MY WONDERFUL DRESSES AND, BOOM, INSTANT SEDUCTION. SCOTT: SO THEY DO IT IN THE STACKS. BABOOM. LUCY: WELL, YEAH. NO. NO, NO, NO. NO, PICTURE THIS. HE'S BEEN DOING THIS RESEARCH, AND HE NEEDS A SPECIAL RESEARCH BOOK, AND SHE FINDS IT FOR HIM. AND SHE RUNS TO HIM WITH THAT RESEARCH BOOK CLUTCHED TO HER HEAVING BOSOM. AND HIS HAND REACHES OUT TO TAKE THE BOOK, BUT IT TOUCHES HER HAND, AND THEIR EYES LOCK. THEIR LIPS QUIVER, AND THEIR HEARTS RACE. SCOTT: IS THAT HEARTBURN OR LOVE? BABOOM. LUCY: OH, COME ON. THEY FADE TO BLACK BECAUSE YOU CAN'T REALLY SHOW WHAT THEY'D BE DOING ON TV BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS CENSORS. SCOTT: WE DON'T HAVE ANY CENSORS AROUND HERE. SO WHAT DOES THE LIBRARIAN LADY DO NEXT? LUCY: LET'S SEE. I THINK -- I THINK THEY KISS. SCOTT: LIKE THIS? LUCY: OH, YEAH. AND THEN I THINK HE KISSES HER NECK. MMM. OOH. SCOTT: THEN WHAT? LUCY: OH, I THINK THIS SIDE. AND THEN, I THINK, LOWER. MATT: THANK YOU FOR CHANGING SEATS, MA'AM. WOMAN: YOU'RE WELCOME. I'M SO HAPPY I FINISHED MY AFGHAN. ELLEN: IT'S SO LOVELY. WOMAN: THANK YOU. ELLEN: TOGETHER AT LAST. MATT: YOU KNOW, KEEPING YOU CLOSE WAS THE GENERAL IDEA OF THIS TRIP. ELLEN: YOU WEREN'T REALLY JEALOUS OF THAT STORY I TOLD LUCY, WERE YOU? MATT: LET'S JUST SAY I RESPOND WELL TO COMPETITION. NOW, I WANT TO -- I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF ALL YOUR NEEDS, ELLEN. ELLEN: REALLY? THEN SHANGHAI THAT FOOD CART BECAUSE I'M STARVING. WHAT'S SMELLS SO GOOD? MATT: IT LOOKS LIKE LASAGNA. I'M ACTUALLY GETTING AN APPETITE MYSELF, BUT NOT FOR DINNER. ELLEN: OH, WHATEVER COULD YOU BE REFERRING TO? OOH. HOO, BABY. OH! MATT: WHOA. ELLEN: OHH. WHAT WAS THAT? MATT: JUST A LITTLE TURBULENCE. COULD WE GET SOME NAPKINS HERE, PLEASE? THANK YOU. STEWARDESS: PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR SEATBELTS ARE FASTENED. ELLEN: OH, WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. AREN'T YOU GOING TO SERVE US? STEWARDESS: I'M AFRAID WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE UP THE TRAYS AND STOP SERVING NOW. THE TURBULENCE IS TOO SEVERE. ELLEN: BUT WE'RE STARVING. STEWARDESS: HERE, HAVE SOME PEANUTS. MATT: THANKS. ELLEN: YOU KNOW, SOMEHOW I BLAME LUCY FOR THIS. IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT STUPID DRESS, WE WOULDN'T BE ON THIS PLANE. MATT: HEY, COME ON. IS THIS MY FAULT? I MEAN, WAS THIS A BAD IDEA, ELLEN? ELLEN: NO. NO, THIS WAS AN INSPIRED IDEA. I'M JUST GRUMPY BECAUSE I'M WET AND I'M TIRED AND I'M SO VERY HUNGRY. BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SMILE AT ME LIKE THAT, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD, OK? OH! FRANK: HEY. I HAD A MEETING WITH FERGUSON. THERE'S A CHANCE THEY MIGHT LET ME BACK ON THE JOB. JOE: LET ME GUESS. YOU THREATENED TO BEAT HIM UP. FRANK: THAT'S NOT FUNNY. JOE: IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE. FRANK: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, MY PERFORMANCE RECORD CONVINCED HIM TO GIVE ME A SECOND DRUG TEST. THERE'S NO WAY I'LL FLUNK IT TWICE. JOE: UNLESS YOU'RE USING. FRANK: WHICH I'M NOT. BUT YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU? JOE: FRANK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE. BUT I NEED TO COME UP WITH ANSWERS BECAUSE I WAS JUST CALLED UPON TO TESTIFY AT CHRIS' BOARD HEARING TOMORROW. FRANK: GREAT. BURY THE GUY. JOE: IT'S YOU THEY'RE AFTER. CHRIS AND HIS ATTORNEY KNOW ABOUT THE PRESCRIPTIONS THAT YOU CALLED IN. WHAT'S INSIDE NEW LUDEN'S HERBAL THROAT DROPS? NATURE'S SOOTHING HERBAL REMEDIES. FOR IRRITATED THROATS, TRY NEW LUDEN'S HERBAL. I COULD FEED THIS THING QUARTERS ALL DAY, BUT I STILL CAN'T GET MY CAR TO SMELL CLEAN. [ Announcer ] WELL, HERE'S HOW TO GET BAD SMELLS OUT OF FABRICS FOR GOOD. FEBREZE ? FOUND IT IN THE LAUNDRY AISLE. AND I GOTTA TELL YOU. IT REALLY WORKS. UNLIKE THIS STUFF, FEBREZE ACTUALLY CLEANS SMELLS FROM FABRICS. ALL YOU DO IS SPRAY. [ Announcer ] THEN FEBREZE GOES AND FINDS THE SMELLS IN FABRICS, AND GENTLY CLEANS THEM AWAY. BY THE TIME IT'S DRY, SMELL'S GONE. EASY, HUH ? GOOD THING. I PRACTICALLY LIVE IN HERE. [ Announcer ] TRIGGER-HAPPY ? THE IMPROVED SPRAYER'S ON OUR BIG BOTTLE. MMMM. THESE FRIES ARE DELICIOUS ! ARE YOU SURE I CAN EAT THESE ? YEAH, THEY'RE LOW FAT. I GOT THE RECIPE FROM PAM. PAM ? I DON'T KNOW HER, BUT I LIKE HER. [ Laughs ] FRANK: I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T CALL IN ANY PRESCRIPTIONS. JOE: ALL RIGHT, SO WHO'S USING MY D.E.A. NUMBER? FRANK: IT'S A MISTAKE OR A SETUP. THIS IS EXACTLY THE WAY RAMSEY GOES AFTER PEOPLE. JOE: FRANK, IT'S ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE THAT RAMSEY PHONED IN THOSE PRESCRIPTIONS. BUT IT DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY YOU LOST IT AT LARK'S PARTY. NOW, WERE YOU ON SOMETHING? FRANK: I'VE ALREADY ANSWERED THAT QUESTION. NOW, WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TESTIFY, ARE YOU? JOE: I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO PROTECT YOU. FRANK: INCLUDING SAYING YOU PRESCRIBED THOSE MEDICINES FOR ME? JOE: FRANK, YOU WANT ME TO LIE FOR YOU? FRANK: YOU SAID YOURSELF THEY'RE LOOKING FOR A SCAPEGOAT. DON'T FEED THEM ME. JOE: CAN YOU PROVE THAT YOU DIDN'T ORDER THOSE DRUGS? FRANK: NOT BY TOMORROW. THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. JOE: OK, SO YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT A COVER STORY, AS OPPOSED TO PROVING YOUR INNOCENCE. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT SAYS TO ME? FRANK: THAT I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK! JOE, LOOK -- I'M NOT ASKING FOR MUCH. COVER FOR ME JUST THIS ONCE. JOE: FRANK, YOU WANT ME TO LIE TO THE BOARD. FRANK: YES. JOE: MISUSE OF A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE. I COULD LOSE MY JOB. FRANK: YOU KNOW, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE A DOCTOR IF IT WASN'T FOR ME! JOE: OH, GREAT, SO THIS IS A GUILT TRIP! FRANK: LISTEN, I BUSTED MY BUTT TO PUT YOU THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL! YOU OWE ME! DON'T FORGET THAT. ELLEN: OH, LOOK AT THIS PLACE. IT'S GORGEOUS. MATT: YEAH, IT'S NOT BAD FOR A SECOND CHOICE, HUH? ELLEN: NO. YOU KNOW, AFTER THAT AIRPLANE RIDE FROM HELL AND LOSING OUR ORIGINAL HOTEL RESERVATION, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THAT THIS TRIP WAS [IMITATING DRACULA] DOOMED, DOOMED. [NORMAL VOICE] BUT I DON'T KNOW. THINGS ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK UP. MATT: WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL PART OF THE MASTER PLAN TO MAKE THE JOURNEY HERE AWFUL SO THAT YOU'RE MORE APPRECIATIVE OF THE TIME WE SPEND HERE. ELLEN: WELL, IT'S WORKING. OH, IS THAT A MINIBAR I SPY? OH, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT YOUR ARM IS BEGINNING TO LOOK PRETTY TASTY. MATT: HEY, SEE IF THEY HAVE ANY SPARKLING CIDER IN THERE. ELLEN: HOW ABOUT SOME ARTIFICIAL CHEESE FOOD? MATT: YEAH, ON THE ROCKS. ELLEN: YOU KNOW, IT'S ALREADY OPENED. MATT: WELL, THEY'RE SAVING US TIME AND ENERGY. ELLEN: OOH, FORGET IT. SOMEBODY FORGOT TO STOCK THE BAR. MATT: HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL ROOM SERVICE. THEY HAVE A MENU RIGHT HERE. ELLEN: OH, YEAH. OOH. THEY'VE GOT CORDON BLEU. MATT: YEAH. ELLEN: AND FOR MY VEGETARIAN FRIEND, LOOK. GARDEN BURGER. STIR-FRIED TOFU. MATT: YEAH. THAT TOFU'S GOT MY NAME ON IT. HI, ROOM SERVICE. YEAH, THIS IS ROOM 717. KIND OF HAVE AN EMERGENCY HERE. CAN YOU SEND UP A BOTTLE OF SPAR-- WHAT'S THAT? YOU'RE KIDDING. NO, THAT'S FINE. THANK YOU. ELLEN: NO. NO, NO. MATT: KITCHEN IS CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT. ELLEN: WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY SAY FASTING IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL. MATT: YEAH, VERY CLEANSING. ELLEN: YEAH. LIKE A GOOD HOT SHOWER. GET MY DRIFT? MATT: OH, YOU SOAP MY BACK, AND I'LL SOAP YOUR BACK. ELLEN: GIVE ME A HEAD START IN THERE. MATT: OK. [MUSIC PLAYS] [MUSIC PLAYS] ELLEN: AHEM. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EMERGENCY DESERT WATER CONSERVATION? MATT: WELL, USUALLY I'M UP FOR IT, BUT RIGHT NOW I'M NOT SO SURE. ELLEN: WELL, WE HAVE BEEN ASKED TO FOREGO OUR EVENING SHOWERS TO SAVE THE WATER TABLE. MATT: YOU EVER SEEN A GROWN MAN CRY? [TELEPHONE RINGS] LUCY: NO. NO, I DON'T HEAR THAT. YOU DON'T HEAR THAT. SCOTT: WAIT. WAIT A SECOND. SERENA'S OUT OF THE HOUSE. LET ME JUST SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. HELLO? YEAH, THIS IS SCOTT BALDWIN. MM-HMM. REALLY? WE CAN HAVE THE TIME FOR THE SERENA LINE? LUCY: WHAT? WHAT? WAIT. WHO IS IT? SCOTT: COULD YOU HOLD ON A SECOND? LUCY: WHO IS IT? SCOTT: IT'S SOME GUY AT THE SHOPPING NETWORK. I GUESS THE JEWELRY COMPANY BACKED OUT, AND SO WE COULD BE IN. WAIT. YEAH, HELLO, I'M BACK. OH, ACCEPT OUR BID? CAN WE FILL 30 MINUTES OF AIR TI? WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. LUCY: YES. YES. YES, OF COURSE WE CAN. SCOTT: WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A STORY, MUCH LESS, YOU KNOW, FILM SOME COMMERCIAL HERE. LUCY: GIVE ME THAT. SCOTT: NO, NO, NO. LUCY, DON'T DO THIS. LUCY: SHH! HI. HELLO THERE. THIS IS LUCY COE. YES, YES, THAT'S ME -- THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY. UH-HUH. OH, NO, WE ARE PERFECTLY READY TO GO ON-AIR. REALLY? OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH, MY GOODNESS. WE GOT IT. WE GOT THE TIME SLOT! SCOTT: YEAH, WELL, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO FILL IT WITH? LUCY: I DON'T KNOW. I GOT A DRESS, I GOT A STUDIO, SO WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. SCOTT: AW, LUCY, WE JUST SHELLED OUT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS HERE, AND ALL WE'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO SHOW IS LIKE A TEST PATTERN. CALL THE GUY BACK. TELL HIM IT'S OFF. LUCY: NO. NO, I WON'T DO THAT. WE'LL USE ELLEN'S STORY. WE HAVE ELLEN'S STORY. WE'LL JUST USE IT AND MAKE IT UNRECOGNIZABLE. SCOTT: ARE YOU KIDDING? ELLEN WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH A ROLLING PIN. LUCY: NO, SHE WON'T. WHEN SHE FIGURES OUT THE TIME CRUNCH I'M UNDER, SHE'LL GIVE ME HER PERMISSION. TRUST ME. TRUST ME, PAL. I WILL GET HER PERMISSION ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. OF ALL THE THINGS WE MIGHT PUT HONEY IN, THE BEST MAY BE NEW HONEY COUGH. INTRODUCING THE FIRST LINE OF COUGH DROPS AND COUGH SYRUP COMBINING EFFECTIVE MEDICINE WITH REAL HONEY. TO RELIEVE EVEN THE WORST COUGHS. [ Cough ] NEW HONEY COUGH. FROM THE MAKERS OF ROBITUSSIN, MMMM ! NATURALLY. IT'S A FEVER. AN EARACHE. EVERY MINUTE SHE FEELS BAD IS A MINUTE TOO LONG. USE CHILDREN'S ADVIL. SO FAST ON FEVER, IT CONTROLS IT FASTER THAN CHILDREN'S TYLENOL. LASTS UP TO 8 HOURS. CHILDREN'S ADVIL: YOO-HOO. EXCUSE ME. WHO, ME ? NEED SOME HELP ON THOSE COLORS ? PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO MEET BLEACH-FREE CLOROX 2. UP HERE IN THE GREEN. I'M BLEACH-FREE. I REMOVE STAINS LIKE SHE DOES. BUT INSTEAD OF BLEACH, SHE'S GOT ENZYMES. OH, I LIKE IT! BLEACH-FREE CLOROX 2. A BLEACH-FREE BREAKTHROUGH THAT WORKS WITH ENZYMES TO REMOVE STAINS AND KEEP COLORS BRIGHT. LOOK AT THESE COLORS! YOU DID GREAT, BLEACH-FREE. THAT'S MY JOB. ( laughs ) BLEACH-FREE CLOROX 2. THREE WOMEN. THREE PREGNANCY TESTS. SHE SAW A LINE. SHE SAW TWO LINES. SHE SAW A PLUS SIGN. WITH FACT PLUS ONE STEP THE PLUS/MINUS SIGNS... ARE SO EASY TO READ, THEY'RE UNMISTAKABLE. OH, BOY... OR GIRL. FACT PLUS. MAYBELLINE INTRODUCES CURVACEOUS, FLIRTATIOUS LASHES WITH NEW WonderCurl MASCARA. IT'S A CURLIER... FLIRTIER LASH. ONLY MAYBELLINE COULD MAKE A CURL THIS CAPTIVATING. THE CURL ACTIVATOR BRUSH GRABS AND CURLS LASHES. THE ELASTIC FORMULA LENGTHENS AND SETS THE CURL FOR ULTRA-CURLY, IRRESISTIBLE LASHES. NO WONDER IT LEAVES YOU WIDE-EYED. NEW WonderCurl BY MAYBELLINE. ü MAYBE IT'S MAYBELLINE. ü MAN, THAT CHILI WAS HOT! YEAH. YOU GOT HEARTBURN, TOO? WANNA TRY THESE NEW PEPCID AC CHEWABLES? IT SAYS YOU GOTTA TAKE IT WITH WATER! WHAT'S THE WATER FOR? WITH TUMS, YOU DON'T NEED WATER. JUST BECAUSE NEW PEPCID IS CHEWABLE DOESN'T MEAN IT WORKS LIKE TUMS. TUMS CALCIUM NEUTRALIZES ACID FAST. PEPCID CHEWABLES' FAMOTIDINE HAS TO GO THROUGH YOUR BLOODSTREAM. SO IT TAKES 40 MINUTES JUST TO START CONTROLLING ACID. YOU WANNA GO BACK FOR WATER? FORGET THE WATER. PASS THE TUMS. ü TUM TA TUM TUM TUMS ü N LUCY: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. ELLEN TOLD ME WHERE SHE AND MATT COULD BE REACHED WHILE THEY ARE AWAY, EXCEPT I CANNOT REACH THEM. SCOTT: WELL, MAYBE THEY'RE HIDING FROM YOU. LUCY: OH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? REALLY, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I KNOW THAT ELLEN IS ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS, AND I CAN'T REALLY USE HER STORY WITHOUT GETTING HER PERMISSION FIRST. SCOTT: WELL, THEN DON'T. LUCY: I HAVE TO. I'M FACING FINANCIAL RUIN HERE. YOU KNOW, I TOOK A LEAP OF FAITH BY BOOKING THAT AIRTIME. YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED -- IT'S CALLED INITIATIVE. SCOTT: NO, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT'S CALLED -- PUTTING THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE. ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY, AND SO ON. LUCY: THAT'S IT. THAT IS IT. OH! YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS. SCOTT: NO, I DIDN'T MAKE UP THOSE LITTLE SAYINGS. LUCY: I KNOW THAT. BUT THINK -- ROME, FLORENCE, VENICE, ITALY. DON'T YOU SEE? THE LAND OF ROMANCE. WE DON'T HAVE TO SET OUR CARNIVAL IN MARDI GRAS. WE CAN SET OUR CARNIVAL IN VENICE. NO ONE WILL LINK ELLEN TO OUR STORY IF WE SET IT ABROAD. MATT: HMM. ELLEN: I AM A SATISFIED WOMAN. MATT: YOU KNOW, IF I HAD KNOWN IT ONLY TAKES PIZZA TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, I WOULDN'T HAVE FLOWN YOU TO VEGAS. ELLEN: WELL, IT'S NOT ONLY THE PIZZA. MATT: OH, YEAH? WHAT ELSE, THEN? ELLEN: WELL, IT'S ALSO THIS BEAUTIFUL ROOM. MATT: JEEZ. CAN'T A GUY GET A LITTLE LOVE? ELLEN: YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH. THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS ROOM IS THAT YOU'RE IN IT. MATT: OH. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A TROUPER. ELLEN: I AM? MATT: ANY OTHER WOMAN WOULD'VE HANDED ME MY HEAD FOR SUCH A MISERABLE TRIP OUT HERE. ELLEN: I'M IN LOVE. GOT TO GO EASY ON YOU. BESIDES, I HAVE WICKED DESIGNS UPON YOUR BODY. MATT: OH. PRAY TELL. ELLEN: HOW ABOUT I SHOW YOU INSTEAD? MATT: OK. KAREN: HI. I COME BEARING BRAISED SHRIMP. JOE: I'M NOT HUNGRY. KAREN: SINCE WHEN? JOE: SINCE CHRIS' ATTORNEY STOPPED BY TO CONFIRM FRANK'S LATEST DRUG FIASCO WITH ME. KAREN: HOW DID THEY FIND OUT SO QUICKLY? JOE: I DON'T KNOW. BUT ONE THING IS FOR CERTAIN. THEY ARE GOING TO CRUCIFY FRANK AT TOMORROW'S HEARING, AND THEY WANT ME TO JOIN IN THE PARTY. KAREN: WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? JOE: FRANK WANTS ME TO SAY THAT I PRESCRIBED THOSE MEDS FOR HIM. KAREN: HE EXPECTS YOU TO LIE FOR HIM? JOE: I CAN'T HELP RAMSEY HANG MY OWN BROTHER. KAREN: YEAH, BUT IF YOU LIE AND YOU GET CAUGHT, IT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU BOTH LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE. JOE: FRANK SAYS THAT HE DIDN'T CALL IN THOSE PRESCRIPTIONS. KAREN: AND YOU BELIEVE HIM? JOE: LOOK -- I WANT TO BELIEVE HIM. BUT I HAVE MY DOUBTS. KAREN: HONEY, FRANK WAS TOTALLY WASTED THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I PICKED HIM UP FROM JAIL. IF HE DIDN'T PHONE IN THOSE PRESCRIPTIONS, THEN WHO DID? AND IF HE DIDN'T TAKE THEM, THEN WHY DID HE TEST POSITIVE? JOE: FRANK SAYS THAT CHRIS SET HIM UP, AND YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT IS POSSIBLE. KAREN: IT'S POSSIBLE. IT'S NOT PROBABLE. FRANK IS IN TROUBLE. JOE: WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR AM I IF I CAN'T EVEN HELP MY OWN BROTHER? KAREN: NO ONE CAN. ONLY FRANK CAN MAKE HIMSELF STOP USING. AND HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT UNTIL HE HITS BOTTOM. CHRIS: OK. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? FRANK: YOU SET ME UP, YOU BASTARD! CHRIS: OH, HERE WE GO. WHAT ARE YOU, HIGH AGAIN? FRANK: YOU WISH. COURTNEY: JUST CALM DOWN, FRANK. FRANK: YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, COURTNEY. IT WON'T WORK, RAMSEY. CHRIS: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. FRANK: BULL. YOU SET UP THOSE PHONY PRESCRIPTIONS, AND YOU ALTERED THE RESULTS OF MY DRUG TEST. CHRIS: OH, I DID, DID I? WHY, I MUST BE A PRETTY POWERFUL GUY. DID I HANG THE MOON AND THE STARS, TOO? FRANK: I MAY GO DOWN, RAMSEY, BUT I'LL TAKE YOU WITH ME, I PROMISE. CHRIS: GET OUT OF MY FACE, SCANLON. I DID NOT INVITE YOU OVER HERE, AND, AS YOU CAN SEE, THERE'S A LADY PRESENT. FRANK: OH, THAT'S NOT A LADY. THAT'S COURTNEY. COURTNEY: ALWAYS THE GENTLEMAN, FRANK. CHRIS: GET OUT NOW, SCANLON. FRANK: FINE! WHEN YOU GET ME OUT OF THE SETUP! CHRIS: YOU KNOW, A SYMPTOM OF ADDICTION IS BLAMING YOUR PROBLEMS ON EVERYBODY ELSE. WHY DON'T YOU GO CHECK YOURSELF INTO A PROGRAM? COURTNEY: FRANK, REALLY, YOU SHOULD LEAVE. FRANK: I TOLD YOU TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! CHRIS: YOU CAN'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT! NOW GET OUT MY HOUSE. FRANK: WE'RE NOT FINISHED HERE! CHRIS: YES, WE ARE. COURTNEY, CALL THE POLICE. FRANK: OH -- CHRIS: COME ON! GET OUT OF HERE NOW! FRANK: LET GO OF ME, YOU -- CHRIS: GO HOME AND SOBER UP! GO AHEAD. OH, PLEASE DO IT. DO ME THE FAVOR. GO ON. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU AT THE HEARING. FRANK: UNLESS I GET TO YOU FIRST.