pc july 24 LUCY: WELL, YOU KNOW, AS WEDDING REHEARSALS GO, I THOUGHT OURS WAS ABSOLUTELY DIVINE. AND IT WAS SO CUTE HOW REV. McINTIRE TOOK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY LITTLE MANY, MANY SUGGESTIONS. KEVIN: I ADMIT IT -- IT WAS THE BEST ONE EVER. BUT LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. DIDN'T MAC AND FELICIA SEEM JUST A LITTLE STRANGE? MAYBE A LITTLE RETICENT? LUCY: YEAH, YEAH. I NOTICED THAT RIGHT AWAY, BUT IT'S OK BECAUSE I CHALKED IT UP TO SORT OF PREWEDDING JITTERS. YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT EVEN THE MOST PREPARED COUPLES CAN GO THROUGH THAT. KEVIN: OH. LUCY: FOR INSTANCE, I WAS THINKING IN THE CAR ON THE WAY HOME THAT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD PRACTICE E HONEYMOON STUFF JUST SO WE DON'T FIND OURSELVES TRAPPED IN THAT PREWEDDING NERVE THING. KEVIN: LET'S SOUND THE ALL CLEAR. VICTOR? LUCY: OH, VICTOR? KEVIN: OH, VICTOR? LUCY: YOO-HOO. KEVIN: ARE YOU HOME? LUCY: HELLO. KEVIN: UH-OH. LUCY: HMM? KEVIN: "LISTEN UP, CATS -- THE OLD MAN IS COOLING HIS JETS AT A RAT PACK FILM FESTIVAL. DON'T WAIT UP." LUCY: OH, DRAT. HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR US. WE'RE ALL ALONE. KEVIN: NOW, I KNOW THAT VICTOR TENDS TO CRAMP OUR STYLE FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT -- THE OLD MAN IS JUST SHINING HERE. LUCY: I LOVE HAVING VICTOR AROUND. YOU KNOW THAT. BESIDES, I GUESS AT LEAST ONE OF US IS SEEING SOME ACTION. KEVIN: IS THAT A CHALLENGE OR A COMPLAINT? LUCY: A MERE OBSERVATION. KEVIN: HMM. WELL, THEN I GUESS IT'S TIME WE GET TO THAT HONEYMOON REHEARSAL. LUCY: OH. YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU SAID THAT BECAUSE I BELIEVE I SHOULD GET ALL THE LOVING IN I CAN. YOU KNOW, THE WEDDING, IT'LL PROBABLY CHANGE ALL THAT. KEVIN: EXCUSE ME? LUCY: YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WORRIED -- ONCE YOU PUT THAT RING ON MY FINGER -- POOF -- GOOD-BYE, ROMANCE. HELLO, THOSE LITTLE NITPICKY ARGUMENTS OVER WHO GETS THE LAST BITE OF CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK. KEVIN: OK, I'LL BITE. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SCARE ME OFF? CHRIS: HEY THERE, ROOMIE. CHECK OUT OF HOTEL MISERY AND PUT ON YOUR SUNDAY BEST. TONIGHT WE DINE AT CHEZ CHRISTOPHE. EVE: WHAT'S IT GOING TO COST ME? CHRIS: WELL, SOME HELP UNLOADING WOULD BE NICE. EVE: WHAT ELSE IS ON THE AGENDA? CHRIS: WELL, I FIGURED WE BOTH HAD THE NIGHT OFF. WHY NOT MAKE THE MOST OF IT? EVE: YOU TOUCH ME AND I AMPUTATE A BODY PART. CHRIS: LOOK, YOU'RE GETTING OVER SCOTT. I'M STILL REELING FROM THE PUBLIC HUMILIATION OF LOSING THE QUARTERMAINE. BUT I FIGURE WHY MOPE AROUND WHEN WE CAN AT LEAST TRY AND ENJOY OURSELVES? UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU PREFER SITTING THERE ON THE COUCH JUST DREAMING ABOUT THE GUY WHO DITCHED YOU. EVE: YOU' RIGHT. YOU ARE RIGHT. IT'S HIS LOSS, AND HE'S GOING TO REGRET IT. CHRIS: HE SURE WILL. YOU ARE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE, INTELLIGENT PERSON I KNOW -- NEXT TO MYSELF, OF COURSE. NOW, GET IN THERE AND CHANGE SO WE CAN GET THIS PARTY STARTED. EVE: ALL RIGHT. BUT YOU HANG ON TO YOUR SOCKS BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO KNOCK THEM OFF. [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION] KEVIN: GOOD NEWS. THEY'RE SAYING CLOUDY BUT FAIR FOR TOMORROW. LUCY: HEY, LISTEN, YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO TALK SO LOUD. I AM RIGHT HERE. KEVIN: WELL, NOTHING LIKE SOGGY GRASS TO RUIN A PAIR OF NICE WHITE SHOES. YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON ANOTHER RED WEDDING DRESS, ARE YOU? LUCY: HA! WHAT IF I AM? WHAT'S IT TO YOU, PAL? KEVIN: WHAT ARE YOU YELLING AT? LUCY? I GET IT. I GET IT. THIS IS A TEST. IT'S A TEST. THIS IS THE EMERGENCY MARRIAGE BROADCAST SYSTEM SPEAKING. BUT HAD THIS BEEN A REAL EMERGENCY, I WOULD HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED ON HOW TO FIND THE NEAREST ATTORNEY, RIGHT? LUCY: NO, I WANT YOU TO LOOK. COME ON, I WANT YOU TO TAKE A GOOD, HARD LOOK, PAL. THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE, BABY. KEVIN: YOU GOT ME. I ADMIT IT -- I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. LUCY: OH, NO, NO, NO, U DON'T. YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE AT THAT CHAPEL. YOU ARE GOING TO BE THERE AND MARRY ME IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU BY YOUR NOSE HAIRS TO GET YOU THERE. KEVIN: OH, NO, NO, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, MS. WICKED OLD BITTY. PLEASE. LUCY: YOU WANT WICKED? I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU WICKED. HA! EVE: OH, THIS SMELLS GREAT. WHAT IS THIS? CHRIS: OH, NOTHING MUCH. JUST A LITTLE SALMON EN CROUTE, WILD RICE, PEAS, CAULIFLOWER -- YOU KNOW, THE BASICS. ALLOW ME TO POUR YOU A GLASS OF CHARDONNAY. EVE: I THINK YOU MISSED YOUR CALLING, RAMSEY. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CHEF AT A FIVE-STAR RESTAURANT. CHRIS: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. WELL, ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST A BUSBOY AT A FRENCH BISTRO, BUT I LEARNED QUITE A BIT TRYING TO SCORE THIS BLOND SOUS-CHEF IN THE KITCHEN. EVE: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH. CHRIS: OH, MAN, SHE WAS SMOKING. WELL, NEVER DID LAND HER, BUT SHE TAUGHT ME THAT PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING. EVE: THAT'S TRUE. PUT ON A GOOD ENOUGH FALSE FRONT AND THE WORLD MIGHT JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE. CHRIS: SILENCE IS SO STIMULATING. YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME? EVE: DO I GET TO KEEP MY CLOTHES ON? CHRIS: OH, COME ON, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. NOW, DIDN'T YOU EVER PLAY DINNER TABLE GAMES WITH YOUR SISTER? EVE: OH, YEAH. YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE DID PLAY GAMES. THEY WERE USUALLY CALLED "SHE WHO EATS THE SLOWEST GOES TO BED HUNGRY." CHRIS: OH, WE PLAYED THAT ONE, TOO. OF COURSE, WHEN MY DAD WAS FLUSH, WE'D FOOL AROUND BEHIND HIS BACK. YOU KNOW, LIKE -- LET'S SEE -- WHO COULD GET THE MILK TO COME OUT OF THEIR NOSE. AND THEN WHO COULD PUT MORE PICKLES IN THEIR MOUTH WITHOUT GAGGING. YOU KNOW, FUN STUFF LIKE THAT. EVE: OK, WELL, I'M NOT ABOUT TO START GARGLING THIS FINE WINE. CHRIS: I'M JUST TRYING TO LOOSEN YOU UP. COME ON. EVE: WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF I'M IN THE DUMPS? CHRIS: BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BUDDY. AND I ALSO HAPPEN TO REGARD MYSELF AS A CHARMING DINNER COMPANION. AND IF ANYBODY SAW US TONIGHT, YOU WOULD RUIN MY REPUTATION. EVE: HOW'S THIS? CHRIS: IT'S PATHETIC. ALL RIGHT, THIS CALLS FOR DRASTIC MEASURES. OBSERVE THE PATENTED CHRIS RAMSEY EYEBROW LIFT. HUH? YOU'RE IMPRESSED, AREN'T YOU? FRANK: MMM. AH -- THREE-ALARM. BUT IT'S STILL NOT AS SPICY AS THE COOK. JULIE: OOH! COURTNEY: OH. OH, I'M -- I'M SORRY. I'M INTERRUPTING. FRANK: YES, YOU ARE. JULIE: NO. NO, SHE'S NOT. I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF COOKING. COURTNEY: WELL, IT SMELLS GREAT. WHAT IS IT? JULIE: CHILI. ARE YOU HUNGRY? YOU'RE WELCOME TO JOIN US. COURTNEY: ACTUALLY, YES, I AM. THANK YOU. SHE GOOD TO YOU OR WHAT? FRANK: BETTER THAN GOOD. COURTNEY: JULIE, I DON'T KNOW YOU VERY WELL, BUT I CAN SEE FRANK WAS A FOOL TO LET YOU GO. I'M GLAD TO SEE HE CAME TO HIS SENSES. JULIE: I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL WHEN DINNER'S READY. FRANK: MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. COURTNEY: THANK YOU. I HAVE. FRANK: OBVIOUSLY. I'M SURE IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO YOU TO GIVE JULIE A HAND. COURTNEY: WHAT, SET AN EXTRA PLATE? I THINK SHE CAN HANDLE IT. FRANK: YOU ALWAYS WERE A LAZY MOOCH. COURTNEY: I DON'T SEE YOU IN THERE. WHAT KIND OF SEXIST BULL IS THIS? FRANK: YOU'RE NOT IN JOE'S BED ANYMORE. YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY TO EARN YOUR KEEP AROUND HERE. COURTNEY: YOU BETTER WATCH THE WAY YOU SPEAK TO ME, FRANK. WITH THE THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU, I COULD BLOW THE ROOF OFF THIS HAPPY HOME. FRANK: LET ME REMIND YOU OF THE MOVIE WHERE THE WICKED WITCH IS KILLED BY THE FALLING HOUSE. TERRIBLE IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED TO YOU. ü DOUBLE YOUR "SENTIMINT" YOUR "MERRIMINT" ü ü DOUBLE YOUR "MOMINT" OF FUN ü ü OH, DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE DOUBLE YOUR FUN ü ü THAT'S THE "STATEMINT" OF THE GREAT MINT ü ü IN DOUBLEMINT GUM üü IT'S A FEELING CALLED THE NOXZEMA TINGLE. THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW YOUR FACE HAS AN UNSTOPPABLE DOWN-DEEP CLEAN. - ü WHEN YOUR FACE IS ON ü - YO, NOXZEMA ! WE'RE OVERHEATING ! - WHY, THANK YOU. - ü YOU CAN DO NO WRONG GO ON, GIRL üü MOLD AND MILDEW ! IRRITATING FUNGUS. SO GET RID OF IT. THEN GET LYSOL DISINFECTANT SPRAY. A FEW TIMES A WEEK KEEPS MOLD AND MILDEW AWAY. YOU HAVE OUR WORD ON IT. [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS] LUCY: OH, YOO-HOO, DR. COLLINS. DR. KEVIN COLLINS, YOU'RE BEING PAGED. AN EMERGENCY PAGE. A ROMANTIC HOUSE CALL IS IN ORDER. YOO-HOO, DR. COLLINS. [KEVIN BELCHES] KEVIN: OH, NICE TONE. LUCY: OH. EXCUSE YOU. KEVIN: "EXCUSE YOU" IS RIGHT. MOVE YOUR LEGS. YOU'RE IN MY FAVORITE SEAT. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE. LUCY: WHAT ARE -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? KEVIN: FIRST OF ALL, I'M LOSING THE MUSIC. LUCY: WHAT? KEVIN: AND I'M LOOKING FOR -- LUCY: OW. OW. KEVIN: THERE IT IS -- THE TV REMOTE. LUCY: HEY. HEY, HEY, HEY. KEVIN: WHAT? WHAT? A MAN CAN'T WATCH A BALL GAME IN HIS OWN HOME? LUCY: OH. OK. VERY FUNNY. TIT FOR TAT. SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE. PAYBACK IS FINE. BUT LISTEN, MR. T-SHIRT, PIG-SHORT GUY, I DON'T SCARE AWAY THAT EASY. KEVIN: AH, AH, AH. BABE. BABE -- LATER. LATER. LUCY: OH. OH, NO. YOU AREN'T REALLY GOING TO WATCH SOME ICKY SPORT THINGY, ARE YOU? KEVIN: YOU BET I AM, AND I HOPE WE WHOOP THEIR BUTTS. SPORTSCASTER: McFARLIN'S AT-BAT. THE COUNT IS 2-1. TRIMBLE DRILLS A SLIDER PAST HIM, AND THE COUNT GOES TO 2-2. I WANT TO REMIND EVERYBODY THAT NEXT TUESDAY IS CAP NIGHT. LUCY: DOC, DOC, DOC, COME ON. THIS IS OUR NIGHT BEFORE OUR WEDDING. COME ON. KEVIN: WHAT, A CONDEMNED MAN ISN'T ENTITLED TO A LAST MEAL? OOH, PORK RINDS. NOTHING LIKE THEM. LUCY: EW. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. I GUESS IT'S TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE. YOU WANT A SNACK? ARE YOU A LITTLE HUNGRY, DOC? WELL, THIS CAFETERIA RIGHT HERE IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS. KEVIN: LUCY -- LUCY, I CAN'T SEE THE TUBE. LUCY: HMM. WELL, IS THIS BETTER? KEVIN: THAT'S ENOUGH TV FOR ONE NIGHT. WHO KNEW PORK RINDS WERE SUCH AN APHRODESIAC? [MUSIC PLAYS] CHRIS: LIKE THE CHOCOLATE RUM BALL? EVE: MMM. MM-HMM. IT'LL MAKE ME BOTH FAT AND DRUNK. CHRIS: A VERY EFFICIENT USE OF OUR TIME. COME ON, LET'S DANCE IT OFF. DR. LAMBERT, MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? EVE: YES, DR. RAMSEY, I GUESS YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE DANCE. BUT JUST ONE. CHRIS: I SEE. I SHALL MAKE THE MOST OF IT. EVE: SQUEEZE ME TOO TIGHT AND I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE. CHRIS: OOH. IS THAT A PROMISE? EVE: THAT'S A THREAT. CHRIS: GOOD. I LIKE THEM FEISTY. EVE: OH, WATCH IT. YOUR BAD MANNERS ARE SHOWING. CHRIS: I CAN FAKE IT WITH THE BEST OF THE SWELLS. HAVING FUN YET? EVE: AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM. CHRIS: LIAR. YOU STILL MISS BALDWIN. EVE: SO WHAT IF I DO? CHRIS: WELL, NO USE DWELLING ON IT. EVE: LISTEN, I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, ALL RIGHT? HE WAS NICE. HE WAS FUN. HE WAS SMART. HE WAS GREAT. I COULDN'T HELP THE FACT THAT I FELL FOR HIM. NOW -- I CAN'T HAVE HIM. LIFE SUCKS. CHRIS: OH, DON'T SWEAT IT. THE SPANISH AMBASSADOR WILL BE BACK ANY MINUTE. EVE: I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE. I WANT SCOTT. CHRIS: LOOK, LIFE IS FULL OF "IF ONLYS" -- IF ONLY I'D PLAYED IT STRAIGHTER, SMARTER, SAFER, FUNNIER. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DIDN'T. YOU KNOW, SELF-DOUBT IS JUST GOING TO FESTER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU LET IT. SO DON'T. EVE: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT? CHRIS: NEVER. I JUST WATCH TOO MANY LATE-NIGHT MOVIES. EVE: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. WHO WAS SHE? CHRIS: YOU KNOW I'M A COMPULSIVE LIAR, SO THERE'S NO POINT IN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. EVE: OH, COME ON. COME ON, CHICKEN. TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT. DID SHE BREAK YOUR HEART? YOU CAN TELL ME. CHRIS: NO. EVE: I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE. CHRIS: NOT FROM ME, YOU HAVEN'T. EVE: ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE -- YOU GREW UP POOR. YOUR DAD WAS A JERK. YOU WROTE SOME BAD CHECKS. AND YOU'RE THE MOST COMPETITIVE SON OF A GUN THAT I HAVE EVER MET. BUT WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? CHRIS: EVERYWHERE. EVE: THE SIGNIFICANT ONES. CHRIS: OH, I SNEAK THEM INTO THE BEDROOM LATE AT NIGHT. EVE: ALL RIGHT. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? CHRIS: HOW DUMB DO I LOOK? EVE: NO, COME ON, THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER. WHY ARE YOU SO JADED? CHRIS: WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING ME? HEY, DON'T I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM GARCIA DAY TO DAY? EVE: IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, CHRIS. CHRIS: YEAH, WELL, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. EVE: SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP. CHRIS: YEAH, ME, TOO. LOOK, I'M SORRY. [MUSIC STOPS] CHRIS: THE WINE'S STARTING TO AFFECT ME, SO I'M JUST GOING TO CALL IT A NIGHT. HOW ABOUT YOU? EVE: YEAH, WHATEVER. THANKS FOR THE DISTRACTION. IT WAS FUN. CHRIS: SURE. COURTNEY: NOW, THIS WOMAN CAN COOK. HANG ON TO THIS ONE. JULIE: IT WAS ONLY CHILI. COURTNEY: I'VE BEEN EATING AT THE HOSPITAL FOR MONTHS. BELIEVE ME, IT WAS A TREAT. FRANK: YEAH, WE NOTICED BY THE WAY YOU TOOK THIRDS. SO, JULIE, SHALL WE GO DOWN TO YOUR PLACE FOR A WHILE? COURTNEY: OH, HE WANTS TO BE ALONE. HOW MANY OTHER WOMEN HAVE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE? FRANK: STUFF IT, COURTNEY. COURTNEY: OH, I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S THE TRUTH. JULIE: FRANK, WHY ARE YOU SO DEFENSIVE? COURTNEY: OH, HE'S GOT A FEW SKELETONS RATTLING AROUND IN THE CLOSET. FRANK: YOU'RE FULL OF IT. JULIE: OOH, COURTNEY, DON'T HOLD BACK. I AM ALL EARS. COURTNEY: OH, NO, I COULDN'T. JULIE: NO, YOU CAN TELL ME. I WON'T BE JEALOUS. FRANK: DON'T ENCOURAGE HER. COURTNEY: OK, SINCE YOU INSIST. JULIE: YES. COURTNEY: WHEN JOE AND I WERE DATING, FRANK WAS SEEING A RECORD OF -- OOH, WAS IT THREE GIRLS AT ONCE OR WAS IT FOUR? FRANK: YOU HAVE A KNACK FOR EXAGGERATION. JULIE: OOH, BABY. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SUCH A PLAYER. COURTNEY: NOW, JULIE, ARE YOU SURE HIS SWINGING DAYS ARE OVER? FRANK: I OUTGREW THAT PHASE. COURTNEY: OK. WELL, DON'T MIND ME. I JUST LIKE SHAKING FRANK'S CAGE EVERY NOW AND THEN. JULIE: OH, COME HERE, YOU. I LIKE A GUY WITH A SHADY PAST. GIVES HIM CHARACTER. [ Loud Rumpling ] [ Loud Ticking ] [ Loud Ripping, Pop ] [ Loud Crunching ] [ Line Beeping ] [ Operator ] WE'RE SORRY. [ Loud Crunching ] YEAH ! SNOWBOARDS ! MOUNTAIN BIKES ! OTHER STUFF ! [ Crunch ] @ STILL SHAVING WITH SOAP AND WATER ? TRY SKINTIMATE SHAVE GEL AND SHAVE CREAM. EACH WITH 75% MOISTURIZERS, INCLUDING VITAMIN E. SOFT AND SMOOTH. AND PROTECT AGAINST NICKS WITH SKINTIMATE. AND TRY SKINTIMATE'S CREAMY EXFOLIATING SMOOTH SHAVE. ONE MORE WAY TO LOVE YOUR LEGS. SHE WANTS TO MEET HER NEW NEIGHBOR, NED. LOOK AT POLLY BOUNCE. YUM ! NED IS EATING A GARDENBURGER LUNCH. SO ARE THE WATSONS. THEY ARE HEALTHY AND TASTY AND GOOD. POLLY'S GETTING HUNGRY. LOOK ! GARDENBURGER IN FIRST CLASS. COSMONAUTS. GRANDMA ? DISCOVER GARDENBURGER. ALL NATURAL, REALLY TASTY. END OF STORY. BECAUSE... @@@ [TV PLAYS] COURTNEY: GOOD MORNING. FRANK: IT WILL BE. [TURNS TV OFF] COURTNEY: WELL, NO ONE EVER ACCUSED YOU OF HAVING MANNERS. FRANK: IT'S MY HOUSE. BESIDES, YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE PUFFY AROUND THE WAIST THERE. COURTNEY: OH, WHAT'S THIS? PAYBACK FOR TARNISHING YOUR IMAGE WITH JULIE? WELL, YOU SEE, I BELIEVE THAT EVERY WOMAN HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT SHE'S UP AGAINST. FRANK: SHE'S IN THE SHOWER, SO I'LL MAKE THIS QUICK. HERE. CATCH. COURTNEY: WATCH IT. FRANK: IT'S THE NUMBER OF A CHEAP ROOMING HOUSE. YOU'LL FEEL VERY MUCH AT HOME THERE. I WANT YOU OUT TODAY. COURTNEY: TOUGH. I'M NOT GOING. FRANK: I WON'T LET YOU STAY HERE AND MAKE TROUBLE FOR JOE. COURTNEY: OH, BULL. YOU SEE, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF. ANY MOMENT, I COULD OPEN MY MOUTH AND, OOPS, OUT POPS THAT LITTLE SECRET THAT I JUST CAN'T FORGET, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO. FRANK: GET REAL. COURTNEY: YOU'RE WORRIED THAT JOE AND JULIE WILL FIND OUT THAT ST. FRANCIS HAS A CROOKED HALO. LUCY: I HAVE ARRANGED A LOVELY CHAMPAGNE PREWEDDING BREAKFAST, SO SIT DOWN. BE CAREFUL. KEVIN: LOVELY, HUH? LUCY: YEAH. KEVIN: OH, I'D LOVE TO SEE HOW LOVELY IT IS. LUCY: OH. NO. OH, DOC! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. DO NOT DTHAT. IT IS VERY BAD LUCK FOR YOU TO SEE ME BEFORE THE WEDDING. KEVIN: WELL, IT'S WORSE LUCK TO HAVE THE GROOM-TO-BE HOBBLE UP THE AISLE WITH A BROKEN ANKLE. AND WHY IS IT WOMEN CAN SEE LUCY: I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S JUST SORT OF THE TRADITION. THE GROOM CAN'T SEE THE BRIDE, NOT VICIE VERSIE. KEVIN: TALK ABOUT YOUR DOUBLE STANDARDS. LUCY: WELL, I DIDN'T THINK OF IT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT. BESIDES, YOU KNOW, I WANT TO SPEND THIS LAST SINGLE MORNING JUST THE TWO OF US, SO COULD YOU PLEASE, PLEASE INDULGE ME? KEVIN: HAVE I EVER DENIED YOU ANYTHING? LUCY: NO. KEVIN: WHERE'S VICTOR? LUCY: OH, I SENT VICTOR TO CHECK ON THE FLOWERS AT THE WEDDING CHAPEL. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. DOC, WE'RE REALLY GOING TO DO IT. WE ARE GOING TO BE DR. MR. AND MRS. KEVIN COLLINS AT THAT VERY CHAPEL. KEVIN: I KNOW. FINALLY. YOU KNOW, LUCY, I KNOW WE WERE JOKING LAST NIGHT, BUT COME WHAT MAY -- OLD AGE, FAT, WRINKLED, I.R.S. AUDIT -- LUCY: NO, BITE YOUR TONGUE. KEVIN: WHATEVER SURPRISES LIFE BRINGS, BRING IT ON. I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE YOU MY WIFE AND TAKE YOU OFF THE MARKET. LUCY: OH, DOC. I TOOK MYSELF OFF THE MARKET A VERY, VERY LONG TIME AGO BECAUSE YOU -- YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME, AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I EVER, EVER THOUGHT I COULD LOVE ANYBODY. AND I AM SO HONORED TO BECOME YOUR WIFE. KEVIN: YOU KNOW, I DON'T NEED TO SEE YOU TO KNOW YOU. LUCY: I KNOW. I FEEL LIKE I'M AN OPEN BOOK TO YOU. KEVIN: SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'M THE ONLY PERSON YOU'VE EVER LET READ PAST THE FIRST CHAPTER. LUCY: AND YOU STILL KEPT RIGHT ON READING. AND FOR THAT, I AM VERY, VERY GRATEFUL. KEVIN: E YOU KIDDING? I'VE NEVER BEEN TRUSTED LIKE THIS. NOW, ABOUT THOSE TRADITIONS -- DO YOU THINK IT'S BAD LUCK FOR THE BRIDE- AND GROOM-TO-BE TO SHARE AN OPEN BOOK BEFORE THE WEDDING? LUCY: OH, WELL, LET'S SEE. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? KEVIN: HMM? LUCY: I THINK AS LONG AS YOU DON'T SEE ME, ANYTHING GOES. KEVIN: OH. WELL, LET'S START WITH THIS ROBE. CHRIS: WOW, YOU LOOK CHIPPER. TOO MUCH CHARDONNAY? EVE: NO, TOO MUCH WEDDING. I CAN'T LET LUCY COE GET AWAY WITH THIS. CHRIS: WHAT DO YOU CARE? SHE'S MARRYING KEVIN, NOT SCOTT. EVE: WHO HAPPENS TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE. SO FORGIVE ME IF I DON'T WANT HIM HITCHED TO THAT SNAKE. [DOORBELL RINGS] EVE: OH. GOOD. CHRIS: WHO'S THAT? EVE: I'M EXPECTING A DELIVERY. HI. MAN: HI. RUSH DELIVERY FOR DR. LAMBERT? EVE: YEAH, THAT'S ME. THANKS. THANK YOU. OH, HERE. MAN: OH, THANK YOU. EVE: BYE. CHRIS: SINCE WHEN DO YOU TIP WITH YOUR OWN MONEY? EVE: SINCE I GOT WHAT I NEED TO SHOW EVERYONE THE TRUTH ABOUT LUCY COE. EVE: I'M ABOUT TO DO KEVIN A REALLY BIG FAVOR. LOOK -- THE BLOWUP STILLS FROM THE SECURITY CAMERA. LUCY COE SIPHONING GAS FROM MY CAR. LUCY'S WEDDING PRESENT ARRIVED JUST IN TIME.