pc mar 25 1999


 ANCHORWOMAN: AS THE CHILD
LABOR SCANDAL CONTINUES
TO WORSEN, LUCY COE --
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[FRANK MUTES TV]
 FRANK: KAREN. HI.
COME IN.
 KAREN: HI. THANK YOU.
 FRANK: ANY LUCK FINDING
YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING?
 KAREN: OH, I WISH.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD ANY
PICTURES OF THE RING.
IF I CAN'T FIND THE ORIGINAL,
I'M GOING TO HAVE A COPY MADE.
 FRANK: WELL, WE'VE GOT SOME
FAMILY PHOTOS UP IN THE ATTIC.
THERE MAY BE ONE OF
MY GRANDMOTHER WEARING THE RING.
WE COULD LOOK AT THOSE.
 KAREN: THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
I CAN'T LOOK AT MY HAND
WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY.
OH, LOOK, I'M ON TV.
EXCUSE ME.
 ANCHORWOMAN: MEANWHILE,
THE SCANDAL HAS AFFECTED
THE SALE OF THE SECOND DRESS
IN THE COLLECTION, SHOWCASED
IN THIS INFOMERCIAL.
 KAREN: WHAT ARE THESE DOING
IN YOUR CAR, JOE?
 JOE: I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU TOOK THEM OFF --
 KAREN: THESE AREN'T MINE.
I DON'T OWN ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
 JOE: THIS IS CRAZY.
I AM NOT SOME SEX-CRAZED WEASEL
RUNNING AROUND ON YOU.
 FRANK: KAREN?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
 MATT: WELL, IF IT ISN'T JOE
SCANLON, THE STAR
EXTRAORDINAIRE.
PLEASE, NO PHOTOGRAPHS.
DR. SCANLON'S A VERY BUSY MAN.
WHERE'S YOUR CO-STAR?
 JOE: I HAVE NO IDEA.RONG?
 JOE: I'M JUST SWAMPED.
I WORKED ON THE NEW D.A.,
JUSTUS WARD, AFTER HIS CAR
ACCIDENT.
!RI HAVE A LOT OF CHARTS TO CATCH
UP ON.
 MATT: GOTCHA.
 ELLEN: WELL, I'M HERE.
WHAT'S UP?
HI, JOE.
 JOE: HEY, ELLEN.
 ELLEN: YOU OK?
 JOE: YEAH.
I'M FINE.
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
 ELLEN: WHAT WAS THAT ALL
ABOUT?
 MATT: WORK, HE SAYS.
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
 ELLEN: SO, WHERE ARE
WE GOING?
 MATT: RING ANY BELLS?
 ELLEN: OOH.
 JOHNNY: EVENING, FOLKS.
TABLE FOR TWO?
 CHRIS: PLEASE.
BEST ONE YOU HAVE.
 JOHNNY: OF COURSE.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
 COURTNEY: YOU REALLY MUST BE
A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT.
 CHRIS: HOW SO?
 COURTNEY: WELL, YOU DON'T
RECALL MY SINGING AT LARK'S
PARTY?
 CHRIS: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
YOU SING LIKE AN ANGEL.
 COURTNEY: YEAH.
YEAH, A TONE-DEAF ANGEL.
 CHRIS: WELL, DON'T SWEAT IT.
LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NO KARAOKE
TONIGHT, ANYWAY.
 COURTNEY: OH, AMATEUR COMEDY.
GREAT, GREAT.
 CHRIS: I KNOW.
SOME IDIOT THINKS HE'S FUNNY
AT WORK, AND AN EVEN BIGGER
IDIOT SAYS, "HEY, YOU'RE FUNNY.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY STANDUP
COMEDY."
YEAH, WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE
THE ONES WHO HAVE TO SUFFER.
 COURTNEY: YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT
WON'T BE THAT BAD.
 CHRIS: MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.
OF COURSE, A NIGHT ALONE
WITH YOU -- WHAT COULD BE
BETTER?
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
NCI'S CORPORATE PARTNERS]
 CHRIS: OH, GREAT.
WELL, THIS EVENING STARTED OUT
PERFECT.
 COURTNEY: YOU REALLY DON'T
LIKE HIM, DO YOU?
 CHRIS: LET'S JUST SAY THAT
MATT HARMON ISN'T EXACTLY
MY FAVORITE PERSON TO SHARE
AN EVENING WITH.
 JOHNNY: GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WELCOME TO JOHNNY LA LA'S.
WE ARE PROUD TONIGHT TO PRESENT
OUR VERY FIRST EVER OPEN-MIKE
COMEDY COMPETITION.
GOT THE SIGN THERE.
FIRST PRIZE IS 100 BUCKS
AND DINNER FOR TWO AT
JOHNNY LA LA'S.
 MATT: ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THIS ALREADY ISN'T
THE SURPRISE I HAD HOPED FOR.
 ELLEN: WHY?
 MATT: WELL, FOR STARTERS,
CHRIS RAMSEY'S HERE.
IT'S CAUSING ME TO LOSE
MY APPETITE.
AND SECONDLY, IT'S COMEDY NIGHT.
THERE'S NO KARAOKE.
SEE, I WAS KIND OF HOPING TO GET
YOU DRUNK AND MAKE YOU SING
"IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA"
BY IRON BUTTERFLY.
 ELLEN: WELL, MAYBE I'LL SING
AFTER THE COMEDY'S OVER.
I GET TO PICK THE SONG, THOUGH.
AND AS FAR AS RAMSEY BEING HERE,
WHO CARES?
 JOHNNY: SO WITHOUT ANY
FURTHER ADO, I'D LIKE TO BRING
TO THE STAGE OUR VERY FIRST
AMATEUR COMEDIAN.
HE'S A DOCTOR AT
GENERAL HOSPITAL.
SO IF YOU BURST A GUT LAUGHING,
HE CAN PATCH YOU RIGHT BACK UP.
THANK YOU.
LET'S WELCOME HIM.
DR. MATT HARMON.
 COURTNEY: I REALLY DIDN'T
KNOW MATT WAS MOONLIGHTING
AS A COMEDIAN.
 CHRIS: WELL, NEITHER DID I,
BUT I'M LAUGHING ALREADY.
 MATT: OK.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
DON'T GET UP, I'M NOT GOING TO.
THANK YOU, JOHNNY.
I AM A DOCTOR AT
GENERAL HOSPITAL -- A SURGEON,
ACTUALLY.
IN FACT, TODAY, I HAD TO OPERATE
ON A GUY WHO SWALLOWED
A DOG TOY.
NOW, I'LL TELL YOU, THE HARDEST
PART, IT WASN'T THE SURGERY.
NO, IT WAS PREPPING HIM
FOR THE FLEA BATH.
ANYBODY?
ANYBODY?
WELL, THEY SAY LAUGHTER IS
THE BEST MEDICINE --
 CHRIS: YEAH, ONLY IF YOU'RE
OUT OF MORPHINE, WHICH I COULD
USE BECAUSE THIS IS PRETTY
PAINFUL.
 MATT: AH.
WELL, I'M BEING HECKLED BY CHRIS
RAMSEY, THE DR. KEVORKIAN
OF GENERAL HOSPITAL.
DID YOU KILL ANY PATIENTS TODAY,
CHRIS?
 CHRIS: ONLY THE ONES
WITHOUT INSURANCE.
YOU KNOW, SPEAKING OF DYING,
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT YOU'RE
DOING UP THERE.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION IT.
 MATT: WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
AT LEAST MOST OF US DOCTORS
AREN'T UNDEAD BLOODSUCKERS
LIKE YOU.
TELL US, CHRIS, WHY IS IT THAT
NO ONE SEES YOU IN THE SUNLIGHT?
 JOE: HEY, MOM.
 MARY: JOE.
SO, HAS THE RING SHOWN UP YET?
 JOE: NO.
NOT YET.
 MARY: I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE
THIS WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU GAVE IT
TO KAREN.
 JOE: LOOK, MOM, I UNDERSTAND
YOU'RE UPSET.
BUT DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT
KAREN AND HOW SHE FEELS?
SHE SEARCHED THE ENTIRE HOUSE,
SHE SEARCHED OUR APARTMENT,
SHE EVEN SEARCHED MY CAR.
SHE LOOKED EVERYWHERE
FOR THAT RING.
 MARY: WELL, THAT PROVES
MY POINT.
SHE WAS SO CARELESS WITH IT,
SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE
SHE WORE IT LAST.
 JOE: KAREN JUST CANNOT WIN
WITH YOU, CAN SHE?
 MARY: I NEVER LOST THE RING,
MY MOTHER NEVER LOST IT,
AND KAREN MANAGES TO LOSE IT
IN JUST A FEW MONTHS.
 JOE: OF COURSE YOU NEVER LOST
THE RING BECAUSE YOU KEPT IT
LOCKED IN A SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX.
 MARY: AND THAT'S WHERE IT
SHOULD HAVE STAYED.
NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU WENT
BEHIND MY BACK AND ESSENTIALLY
STOLE IT?
 JOE: GRANDMA LEFT THAT RING
SPECIFICALLY FOR THE FIRST
SCANLON WHO MARRIES TO GIVE
TO HIS BRIDE.
NOW, LIKE IT OR NOT, THAT IS
KAREN.
SHE DESERVED THAT RING, AND I AM
NOT SORRY THAT I GAVE IT TO HER.
AND EVEN IF THAT RING IS LOST
FOR GOOD, AT LEAST SHE GOT
TO WEAR IT ON HER HAND
FOR A SHORT TIME.
 MARY: THAT RING WAS
IN THE FAMILY FOR YEARS.
IT'S IRREPLACEABLE.
 JOE: AND I HOPE IT TURNS UP.
BUT I MEANT WHAT I SAID.
LOOK, TO BE HONEST, YOU CAN HOLD
A GRUDGE IF YOU WANT TO.
BUT I AM SICK OF FIGHTING.
 KAREN: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU MUST
HAVE BEEN ABOUT 4 THERE.
YOU HAD THE GOOFIEST LOOK
ON YOUR FACE.
 FRANK: I HATED GETTING
MY PICTURE TAKEN.
SO, YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED
MY QUESTION.
WHAT'S BUGGING YOU?
 KAREN: OH, I GUESS THE NEWS
REPORT GOT TO ME.
 FRANK: BECAUSE OF THE SCANDAL
YOUR FATHER'S INVOLVED IN,
THE CHILD LABOR ACCUSATION?
 KAREN: YEAH.
I ASKED SCOTT ABOUT IT,
AND HE SAID IT'S NOT TRUE,
WHICH I KNEW THE MOMENT I HEARD
THE ALLEGATIONS.
I MEAN, THERE'S NO WAY THAT LUCY
OR SCOTT CAN BE EXPLOITING
CHILDREN.
 FRANK: YEAH.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW THEM THAT
WELL, BUT I'M SURE YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND, IS IT?
 KAREN: NO.
I GUESS JOE AND I HAVE BEEN
GOING THROUGH A LOT LATELY.
IT'S SORT OF A TOUGH ADJUSTMENT
LIVING TOGETHER.
 FRANK: HE'S A SLOB, ISN'T HE?
 KAREN: WELL, NOT TOO BAD.
 FRANK: HE LEAVES THE TOILET
SEAT UP.
NOW, THAT CAN BE A DEAL BREAKER.
 KAREN: ACTUALLY, HE'S VERY
CONSIDERATE.
 FRANK: SO, HIS PRIVATE LIFE
MUST BE GETTING TO YOU.
 KAREN: HIS PRIVATE LIFE?
 FRANK: WELL, YOU KNOW,
HE CAN BE A --
A LONER.
 KAREN: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
 FRANK: WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE
LIVING TOGETHER, I'M SURE
YOU MUST HAVE SEEN IT.
IT USED TO DRIVE ME NUTS.
HE WOULD LOCK HIMSELF
IN HIS ROOM FOR HOURS.
I GUESS HE'S JUST ONE OF THOSE
GUYS WHO NEEDS TIME TO HIMSELF.
 KAREN: I GUESS THERE'S
NOTHING INHERENTLY WRONG
WITH THAT.
 FRANK: NO. NO.
BUT I CAN SEE HOW IT COULD GET
TO YOU.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO HANG
OUT OR WANT SOME COMPANY,
AND HE'S NOT AROUND.
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS...
WHEN YOU USE REYNOLDS
CRYSTAL COLOR PLASTIC WRAP.
ZUCCHINI BREAD ?
OH.
ZUCCHINI BREAD ?
OOOOH !
 WOW !
 OH, MY GOODNESS !
THAT'S A YES.
REYNOLDS CRYSTAL COLOR
PLASTIC WRAP.
 MAKES GOOD FOOD BETTER.
FUNDAMENTALS OF BASEBALL?
BE A TEAM PLAYER.
YES.
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL.
YES.
NEVER PLAY
WITHOUT A CONTRACT.
 THE HERSHEY BAR.
[SWING MUSIC PLAYS]
PRESENTING
THE REMARKABLY INNOVATIVE
GE PROFILE PERFORMANCE RANGE
WITH A REVOLUTIONARY BRIDGE
THAT CONNECTS BURNERS,
SO YOU CAN COOK
ANY SIZE DISH.
AND ITS TRUE TEMP OVEN
IS THE MOST
ACCURATE IN AMERICA,
SO YOU CAN ALSO BAKE
AND BROIL LIKE A GOURMET.
IT'S SO VERSATILE,
YOU COULD GET CARRIED AWAY.
UH, DAD?
I USUALLY JUST HAVE
CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST.
ü GO, GO, DADDY üü
THE INCREDIBLE
PROFILE PERFORMANCE RANGE.
ONLY FROM GE.
wwpp
INTRODUCING HERSHEY'S BITES.
[ROAR]
NO--LITTLE BITES.
[MEW]
IN 4 OF YOUR FAVORITE FLAVORS.
NEW HERSHEY'S BITES.
FOR BIG TASTE,
HAVE A LITTLE BITE.
 KAREN: HEY, IS THIS
YOU TEACHING JOE HOW TO RIDE
A BICYCLE?
 FRANK: YEAH.
HE MUST HAVE FALLEN OFF ABOUT
A HUNDRED TIMES.
AND THAT WAS WITH THE TRAINING
WHEELS.
 KAREN: YOU'RE ALWAYS SO GOOD
TO HIM.
 FRANK: WELL, HE'S MY LITTLE
BROTHER.
I HAD TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM.
 KAREN: YOU KNOW, WHEN WE WERE
KIDS, I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE
THE IDEAL BIG BROTHER.
I WISHED I HAD A BROTHER JUST
LIKE YOU.
 YOUNG JOE: OW, THAT HURTS.
 YOUNG FRANK: DON'T BE SUCH
A WUSS.
 YOUNG JOE: I'LL NEVER LEARN
TO RIDE THAT STUPID BIKE.
 YOUNG FRANK: SURE YOU WILL.
I'LL BET YOU'LL GET IT
ON THE NEXT TRY.
 YOUNG JOE: REALLY?
 YOUNG FRANK: I'M SURE OF IT.
THERE AREN'T ANY QUITTERS
IN THE SCANLON FAMILY.
YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE THE FIRST
ONE, ARE YOU?
 YOUNG JOE: NO.
 YOUNG FRANK: I DIDN'T
THINK SO.
COME ON.
LET'S GO RIDE THAT STUPID BIKE.
 FRANK: WELL, IF I'M SUCH
A GREAT BIG BROTHER, WHY DID
HE TESTIFY AGAINST ME
AT RAMSEY'S HEARING?
 KAREN: JOE DID WHAT
HE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.
HE BELIEVES IN TELLING
THE TRUTH.
 FRANK: YEAH, WELL, FINE.
BUT I LOST MY JOB AS
A PARAMEDIC.
AND NOW I'M WAITING TABLES
IN A JOB THAT MY MOTHER GOT ME.
 KAREN: FRANK, IT WOULDN'T
HAVE HELPED IF JOE COVERED
FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERE
SELF-DESTRUCTING.
 FRANK: I DIDN'T TAKE
HIS PRESCRIPTION PAD,
AND I DIDN'T FILL ANY
PRESCRIPTIONS FOR MYSELF.
I TOLD YOU BOTH THAT RAMSEY SET
ME UP.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
EITHER, DO YOU?
 KAREN: I WANTED TO.
BUT YOU TESTED POSITIVE
FOR AMPHETAMINES.
 FRANK: FORGET IT.
I'M SORRY I ASKED.
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR JOE,
HE COULD HAVE HELPED ME OUT THIS
ONE TIME -- THIS ONE TIME WHEN
I NEEDED IT MOST.
BUT HE DIDN'T.
 KAREN: WHETHER YOU AGREE
WITH WHAT HE DID OR NOT,
IT SEEMED TO HAVE HELPED.
LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE CLEAN.
EVERYBODY IS SO IMPRESSED
WITH HOW YOU PULLED YOUR LIFE
BACK TOGETHER, INCLUDING JOE.
YOU'RE NOT STILL ANGRY WITH HIM
ABOUT HIS TESTIMONY, ARE YOU?
 FRANK: NO. NO.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
JOE WAS JUST DOING WHAT
HE THOUGHT WAS BEST.
 JOHNNY: THE RUNNER-UP
IN JOHNNY LA LA'S FIRST-EVER
OPEN-MIKE COMEDY COMPETITION IS
NONE OTHER THAN PORT CHARLES'
OWN PATCH ADAMS, DR. MATT
HARMON.
FIRST PRIZE GOES TO BARRY
AND HIS WOODEN BUDDY, BARNEY.
THANK YOU.
 BARRY: THANK YOU.
 BARNEY: THANK YOU.
 ELLEN: YOU WERE GREAT.
WOW.
YOUR ROUTINE -- IT'S IMPROVED
SINCE THE THANKSGIVING CEILI.
 MATT: WELL, THAT'S
A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT IF I'VE
EVER HEARD ONE.
 ELLEN: OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.
WHO KNOWS, MAYBE THERE'S
AN AGENT IN THE AUDIENCE
AND YOU COULD BE DISCOVERED
TONIGHT.
 MATT: ELLEN, I CAME IN SECOND
OUT OF TWO COMPETITORS.
 CHRIS: I SHOULD HAVE WON
FIRST PRIZE UP THERE.
 COURTNEY: REALLY?
WHAT FOR?
 CHRIS: I DO MEAN IMPRESSIONS,
EVEN BETTER THAN THE ONE MATT
DOES OF A DOCTOR.
[PAGER BEEPS]
 CHRIS: I HAVE TO TAKE THIS.
THINK ABOUT ME WHILE I'M GONE.
I'LL KNOW IF YOU DON'T.
 COURTNEY: ALL RIGHT.
 ELLEN: YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU DECIDE TO SURPRISE,
YOU REALLY SURPRISE.
WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO WORK
ON THIS ROUTINE?
 MATT: WELL, A GOOD COMEDIAN
ALWAYS HAS TIME TO WORK
ON HIS CRAFT.
BESIDES, I JUST WANTED TO COME
TAKE YOUR MIND OFF EVERYTHING
THAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
I WANTED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH.
 ELLEN: IT WORKED.
DID YOU NOTICE THAT JOE WAS
A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED TODAY?
 MATT: YEAH, I DID.
 ELLEN: DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S
WRONG?
 MATT: WELL, HE SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT BEING OVERWORKED,
BUT I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING
ELSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO DISCUSS.
 ELLEN: DO YOU THINK HE MIGHT
BE UPSET ABOUT THE INFOMERCIAL
AND THE LABOR SCANDAL WITH SCOTT
AND LUCY?
 MATT: OH, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S IT.
I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I THINK
THERE'S SOMETHING GOING
ON WITH HIM AND KAREN.
 CHRIS: HEY.
 COURTNEY: HI.
 CHRIS: I HATE TO CUT
A DYNAMITE EVENING SHORT,
BUT THAT WAS THE HOSPITAL.
I HAVE TO GET OVER THERE.
 COURTNEY: OH.
OH, OK.
I UNDERSTAND.
NO PROBLEM.
 CHRIS: OH, RIGHT.
I ALMOST FORGOT.
 COURTNEY: WHAT'S THAT FOR?
 CHRIS: OH, IT'S FOR CAR
ACCIDENTS.
YOU KNOW, TO SHOW IT'S THE OTHER
GUY'S FAULT.
 COURTNEY: YEAH.
WELL, OF COURSE IT WOULD BE
THE OTHER GUY'S FAULT.
OF COURSE.
 CHRIS: HEY, JOHNNY?
 JOHNNY: YEAH?
 CHRIS: BE A PAL,
TAKE A PICTURE.
 JOHNNY: SURE THING.
SAY "SUSHI."
 COURTNEY and CHRIS: SUSHI.
 COURTNEY: HOPE YOU GOT
MY GOOD SIDE.
 CHRIS: OH, COME ON,
NOW, THAT'S EVERY SIDE.
 COURTNEY: GOOD ANSWER.
VERY GOOD ANSWER.
 CHRIS: COME ON.
 COURTNEY: READY.
 CHRIS: NICE JOB UP THERE,
FUNNY MAN.
TOO BAD YOU LOST TO A DUMMY.
 MATT: OH, ARE YOU REFERRING
TO THE QUARTERMAINE AWARD?
OH -- OH, NO, NO.
YOU DIDN'T GET TO KEEP THAT,
DID YOU?
NO.
HEY, WANT TO TAKE A LOOK
AT MY TROPHY, SEE WHAT ONE LOOKS
LIKE UP CLOSE?
 CHRIS: NO, THANKS.
DON'T WANT TO GET SILVER SPRAY
PAINT ALL OVER MY FINGERS.
GOOD NIGHT, ALL.
 ELLEN: WOW, YOU MUST BE
IN A GOOD MOOD.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN LETTING RAMSEY
GET TO YOU.
 MATT: WHAT'S THE POINT?
I HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE.
I HAVE A GREAT JOB, A FANTASTIC
WOMAN.
I MEAN, THE ONLY THING CHRIS HAS
TO KEEP HIM COMPANY IS GREED --
AND COURTNEY.
YOU KNOW, SOONER OR LATER,
KARMA JUST CATCHES UP WITH YOU.
AND ONE DAY, CHRIS IS GOING
TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE HOW EMPTY
HIS LIFE IS.
IT'S ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY.
ü I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE ü
ONE OF THOSE DAYS
YOU NEVER WANT TO LOSE
TO SEASONAL ALLERGIES.
ü AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD ü
TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR
ABOUT CLARITIN.
JUST ONE CLARITIN
TABLET DAILY...
BRINGS YOU 24 HOURS
OF NON-DROWSY RELIEF...
FROM SEASONAL ALLERGY SYMPTOMS.
CLARITIN HAS A LOW OCCURRENCE
OF SIDE EFFECTS,
SUCH AS HEADACHE, DROWSINESS,
FATIGUE AND DRY MOUTH.
ü I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE ü
DON'T LOSE A SINGLE DAY.
TAKE CLEAR CONTROL.
TAKE CLARITIN.
ü AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD, HEY üü
#
h
OH...
OOH.
 WOMEN LOVE
 SHAMPOOING
 WITH CLAIROL'S
 HERBAL ESSENCES.
( moaning... )
 REVELING IN ITS
 ALL NATURAL BOTANICALS.
( moaning... )
LUXURIATING IN THE ORGANIC HERBS
 AND PURE MOUNTAIN WATER.
 AND THE ECSTASY
 OF WHAT IT DOES
 TO THEIR HAIR.
YES, YES... YES!
 BUT WE'D ALSO LIKE
 TO REMIND YOU
OOH...
YES!
 MEN LIKE IT, TOO.
 HERBAL ESSENCES.
üü [ Salsa Beat ]
ü AHA ü
üü
ü HEY, HEY ü
üü
üü [ Man Vocalizing
     In Spanish ]
üü
 KAREN: NOTHING.
NO PICTURES OF THE RING.
I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT
FOR LOSING IT.
I DESERVE SOMETHING AWFUL
TO HAPPEN TO ME.
I SHOULD HAVE MY --
 FRANK: YOU SHOULD BE DIPPED
IN WHIPPED CREAM AND PUT
IN A HILL OF FIRE ANTS.
 KAREN: THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH,
DON'T YOU THINK?
 FRANK: DON'T BE SO TOUGH
ON YOURSELF.
 KAREN: I'LL TRY.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
 FRANK: WAIT.
HOLD ON.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT A CUP
OF MY FAMOUS HOT COCOA.
 KAREN: WHAT FAMOUS HOT COCOA?
 FRANK: FROM THE FAMOUS BOX
OF IT THAT I BOUGHT
AT THE STORE.
 KAREN: OH, THAT FAMOUS
HOT COCOA.
RIGHT.
MAYBE I'LL EVEN BRAVE
THE WHIPPED CREAM.
 FRANK: I LOVE A WOMAN WHO
LIVES DANGEROUSLY.
 COURTNEY: WHOO -- OH, HI.
 FRANK: BACK SO SOON?
RAMSEY THAT BORING?
 COURTNEY: CHRIS HAS TO GET
TO THE HOSPITAL.
 CHRIS: ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO WAIT UP?
THIS MIGHT NOT TAKE VERY LONG.
 COURTNEY: OH, NO, NO, NO.
I'M SLEEPY.
BUT THANK YOU FOR A WONDERFUL
NIGHT.
 CHRIS: OK.
 COURTNEY: NIGHT.
 CHRIS: NIGHT.
FRANK.
KAREN.
 KAREN: YOU KNOW WHAT, FRANK?
I THINK I WILL TAKE A RAIN CHECK
ON THAT HOT COCOA.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER, OK?
 FRANK: YOU SURE CAN CLEAR
A ROOM.
 MATT: ALONE AT LAST.
 ELLEN: I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME
TONIGHT.
 MATT: SO DID I.
EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T GET TO HEAR
YOU SING.
 ELLEN: I DON'T KNOW
IF I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN UP
IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE
TO SING ANYWAY.
 MATT: YOU'RE NO FUN.
 ELLEN: OOH.
YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH.
I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD HAVE
GOTTEN UP THERE.
 MATT: HMM?
 ELLEN: BUT I DIDN'T SAY
I WOULDN'T GET UP HERE.
 MATT: ENCORE, ENCORE.
 ELLEN: I HAVEN'T STARTED YET.
ü I WANT TO BE
LOVED BY YOU
JUST YOU
AND NOBODY ELSE BUT YOU ü
 MATT: ü BOO BOOP BE DOO ü
 KAREN: WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU DOING?
 JOE: [FRENCH ACCENT]
JOE SCANLON DID NOT THINK
YOU WOULD -- HOW YOU SAY? --
LISTEN TO HIM.
SO HE SENT ME, PIERRE,
THE FEARLESS FRENCH LEGIONNAIRE,
IN HIS PLACE.
 KAREN: PIERRE THE
LEGIONNAIRE --
 JOE: PLEASE, DO NOT
INTERRUPT.
NOW, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND JOE
LOVES YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU ARE THE ONLY WOMAN FOR HIM.
HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU.
HE IS NO LEGIONNAIRE, BUT HE HAS
HIS GOOD QUALITIES, ONE OF THEM
BEING HIS UNDYING LOVE FOR YOU.
 KAREN: I THINK I'M THE ONE
THAT'S LUCKY.
 JOE: SILENCE.
THE LEGIONNAIRE IS NOT FINI.
WHY WAS THERE UNDERWEAR
IN JOE'S CAR?
PERHAPS HIS BROTHER IS
A CROSS-DRESSER, NO?
OR PERHAPS A SHADY MECHANIC WAS
UP TO NO GOOD.
BUT WHAT JOE REALLY WANTS
YOU TO KNOW --
[NORMAL VOICE]
AND HE WOULD NEVER BE UNFAITHFUL
TO YOU.
AND HE WANTS TO MARRY
YOU WITH ALL OF HIS HEART.
 COURTNEY: DID YOU SEE
THE PAPER TODAY?
 FRANK: NO, I WAS BUSY.
 COURTNEY: OH.
WITH KAREN, RIGHT?
 FRANK: WHY?
 COURTNEY: WELL, THERE'S
A LATE-BREAKING STORY.
YEAH.
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE,
"FRANK SCANLON HAS A THING
FOR HIS BROTHER'S FIANCEE."
 FRANK: WHERE DID YOU GET
A RIDICULOUS IDEA LIKE THAT?
 COURTNEY: WELL, LET'S SEE.
THE FIRST CLUE WAS THE SAD
PUPPY DOG LOOK YOU GOT
ON YOUR FACE WHEN KAREN WAS
LEAVING.
AND THEN I GOT TO THINKING.
 FRANK: THAT'S DANGEROUS
TERRITORY FOR YOU.
 COURTNEY: WHEN JOE WAS
IN GREECE WITH ME, YOU HAD KAREN
ALL TO YOURSELF.
THEN LITTLE BROTHER COMES BACK,
AND YOU HAVE TO PLAY IN THE CRIB
ALL BY YOUR LONESOME.
THAT'S THE REAL REASON YOU WANT
TO GET BACK AT JOE, ISN'T IT?
 FRANK: YOU KNOW, I KNEW
RAMSEY COULD DRIVE A PERSON
TO DRINK, BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY
OVERDID IT --
WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON YOU'D
BE WEARING THIS RING.
WHAT IF SOMEONE SEES YOU?
 COURTNEY: OH, COME ON.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M PLANNING
ON WEARING IT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.
JUST, YOU KNOW, GETTING A FEEL
FOR IT.
FITS PERFECTLY, TOO.
WHICH IS A GOOD THING
BECAUSE JOE IS ABOUT THIS
CLOSE TO DROPPING KAREN.
 FRANK: DON'T YOU MEAN WHEN
KAREN DROPS JOE, THE PERVERT?
 COURTNEY: IT'S ONLY A MATTER
OF TIME BEFORE THIS RING IS
MINE, OFFICIALLY.
THE REAL MRS. JOSEPH SCANLON.
THEN YOU CAN HAVE YOUR LITTLE
PLAYMATE ALL TO YOURSELF.